Christian Bale’s assault charges dropped

Christian Bale is off the hook. London police have been instructed to drop charges that Batman assaulted his mother due to lack of evidence. That loud wheezing sound you just heard was the excited whimper of a million geeks the world over. The AP reports:

The country’s Crown Prosecution Service said in a statement that there was insufficient evidence to afford a “realistic prospect of conviction” and ordered the police not to take any further action in the case.

Christian Bale had the following to say: “I just want to thank all my fans for their unwavering support in this private matter. I’m happy to be vindicated of these, obviously, false allegations. I’m going to celebrating by kicking my own mother down a flight of stairs. Ha! I’m kidding, folks. I’ll pay someone to do it.”