After the Madonna concert post, seeing Ali Larter in a bikini is like a breath of fresh air - that’s wearing a bikini. Then again, you could show me a picture of celery right now and I’d probably weep tears of joy.

Ali Larter (right) recieved a wedding proposal from her boyfriend Hayes MacArthur over the weekend. Judging by the headline I just wrote, I’ll assume she said “yes.” The couple is “thrilled,” according to E! Online and Ali knew right away she wanted to marry Hayes:

“I told my boyfriend after three weeks that I wanted to marry him and that we could do it tomorrow,” Larter said. “Now that I’m actually in love, I know that what came before wasn’t real. It’s about being there for each other through the ups and downs of life.”

I have no idea who or what a Hayes MacArthur is, so instead I’m posting pictures of Ali Larter with Amy Smart. It’s moves like this that caused my peers to crown me the “King of Journalism.” Okay, maybe I just lined up a bunch of stuffed animals and held a crowning ceremony in my living room. But Teddy Ruxpin thinks I deserve a Pulitzer and that dude knows his shit.

Ali Larter gave the paparazzi a glimpse at her nipple when her blouse came open outside the Green Room in Hollywood last night. How do you wear an outfit like that and not expect to show a little nip? I mean, bless her for doing so. I admire a woman who says, “Yes, this open blouse will definitely cover up my bra-less chest.” I, too, enjoy defying the laws of physics by squeezing my wrought-iron pecs into a Baby Gap tee every night. Sure, before I reach the club it’s nothing but tatters. That just saves the ladies a whole lot of work. Except when I’m not allowed in because my sexiness is a fire hazard. Stupid fire codes, why must you discriminate? I can’t help it. I’m the way God, a couple of plastic surgeons, and some meteors that landed in my pool made me!

NOTE: The video is extremely disappointing and apparently censored with a price tag. I really don’t know…

Ali Larter was at the launch of the DKNY Delicious Night fragrance in New York last night. I’m not quite sure what’s up with her dress. I’ll just assume a giant tried to use her as a pen. Anyway, I really dig Ali Larter’s character on Heroes. It’s the most accurate depiction of a woman I’ve ever seen on television. One minute she’s all sweet and loving, then holy crap, she goes batshit crazy and karate chops you in the solar plexus before shooting you in the leg. Reminds me of growing up. Of course my mother was a martial arts instructor and my dad loved hookers. Like a lot. He even got me one for Christmas when I was six. Still love you for that one, pop. Although in retrospect, perhaps that wasn’t the best year to buy mom a gun. I’m pretty sure she wanted a microwave. Well that, and for my virginity to last at least another ten more years. Ha, mom sure was a nut, wasn’t she?