In an unexpected Friday surprise, I got a hold of some Beyonce Knowles bikini pics. I gotta admit though, they’re a tad anticlimactic considering she usually errs on the side of smokin’ hot. It’s like unwrapping a Wii on Christmas morning, but inside the box is not Beyonce’s butt. Curse you, Claus!

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“They've already agreed to give Beyoncé a cameo appearance,” said a source from the singer’s camp. “But we're hoping that she could be written in for a recurring role, or possibly even a permanent one.”

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Hollyscoop claims to have exclusive information that Jay-Z now has 100 problems and a kid is one. Beyonce is reportedly pregnant which led to the clandestine nuptials in early April:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.

Hollyscoop claims to have exclusive information that Jay-Z now has 100 problems and a kid is one. Beyonce is reportedly pregnant which led to the clandestine nuptials in early April:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.

Hollyscoop claims to have exclusive information that Jay-Z now has 100 problems and a kid is one. Beyonce is reportedly pregnant which led to the clandestine nuptials in early April:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.

Hollyscoop claims to have exclusive information that Jay-Z now has 100 problems and a kid is one. Beyonce is reportedly pregnant which led to the clandestine nuptials in early April:

A source close to the couple revealed, “Beyonce is 100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.” The source also told Hollyscoop that all the friends and family that attended the ultra private wedding were all aware that Beyonce was already expecting. Our source added that Beyonce is in her early stages, but don’t expect this star to come out with a confirmation statement anytime soon…. They rushed the wedding due to Beyonce’s strong Christian beliefs.

Listen, kids, getting pregnant is no reason to get married. That’s just crazy talk. If the movie Juno has taught me anything, it’s that getting knocked up can be a hilarious, super-indie experience that’s fun for the whole family. Ha ha! Now excuse me while I duct-tape Diablo Cody’s hands back to the stripper pole before she writes again.

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Unless you drank yourself into a coma on Friday and are therefore my new Messiah, you probably heard the reports of Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles allegedly having a secret wedding. While no one has confirmed the marriage, Mary J. Blige let the cat out of the bag while performing with Jay-Z in North Carolina Saturday night. OK! Magazine reports:

“Congratulations to my man, Jay-Z, and my girl B,” the singer announced to the audience at the beginning of her set at the Greensboro Coliseum.
And while no grand announcement was made during Jay-Z’s time on stage, eyewitness sources confirm to OK! that the former Destiny’s Child singer did make the trip to Greensboro with her new hubby.

I always figured if Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles got married it’d be inside a submarine made of diamonds. Then, when it sank to the bottom (Diamonds make shitty nautical crafts.), everyone would shake their heads and say, “Thank God Kim Kardashian’s still alive.” I’m such a hopeless romantic sometimes.

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Can you believe that Tina Turner is 68 after watching her performance last night at the Grammys! Dang she looks amazing and is still moving like she did in 1968!!! You go girl!!!
BTW she showed up Beyonce.

Beyonce Knowles attended the American Music Awards over the weekend and received the award for International Star of the Year. I think Beyonce and Kim Kardashian should combine forces and, after the ensuing earthquake, become a crime fighting duo. They’d be like Batman and Robin, except they wouldn’t be able to ride in the same vehicle together. Unless they make aircraft carriers that work on the highway. In which case I totally want one. No, make that two. I drink a lot, so I’d like to apologize in advance to the entire housing development I’ll eventually plow into. I guarantee you that I’ll have no clue how I launched a stealth bomber into your living room, but I’m sure it’ll be wicked awesome. You know, if you ignore all the death.

It’s a slow news day, so here’s Beyonce at the Samsung press conference for her new B Phone with some tape on her boob. Or glue. A scar? Look, what am I, a glue tape scar expert? No. I’m just the guy that sits here bench pressing trucks while women throw themselves at me and ogle my muscles. Sometimes I also play with puppies.