Miley Cyrus apparently got “the talk” from her dad Billy Ray seeing as she’s turning 16 soon and dating a 20-year-old model Justin Gaston who may or may not want to have sex with her. (Jury’s still out.) Billy Ray laid it all out for Miley that her career hinges on her ability to sell Hannah Montana dolls to folks in the Bible Belt, so she better fly straight. Also, he ain’t giving up his diamond ter-let. The Sun reports:

A close family friend says Billy Ray told him: “We brought Miley up with good morals and strong religion, but she’s at that age where she is bound to be experimenting and her hormones are going nuts.
“Miley’s career is just rolling along now and getting bigger and bigger. Everyone loves her and she has a shot to have a career like JULIA ROBERTS or JENNIFER ANISTON or someone like that. I told her in no uncertain terms that her career would be over if something stupid were to happen and she would no longer be a role model for young girls, something she takes very seriously.
“I think I made an impression on her; at least I hope so. I don’t want to forbid her from dating because that would just make her sneak around.”

So, basically, Billy Ray locked Miley Cyrus in a room full of “Jamie Lynn Spears shopping at Wal-Mart” pictures until she forged her own chastity belt. Now that’s just good parenting. I don’t care who you are.

These are shots of Miley Cyrus’ new boyfriend Justin Gaston drunk off his ass at a party full of topless dudes over the summer. Apparently, Billy Ray Cyrus has been under the impression Justin is a fine, upstanding young man who goes to church and doesn’t drink, so I can’t figure out what he’s more pissed about: That he was lied to. Or that he let a homosexual watch his TV. Shit, there goes his NRA membership. And right before the annual potluck, too! Sonofa…

Miley Cyrus and her father Billy Ray Cyrus have figured out the real money’s in focusing on Miley’s singing career and bailing on Disney. In a move that could only be cultivated in a trailer full of meth, Miley and Billy Ray are now trying to get fired from the insanely lucrative Hannah Montana show and have started showing up late, holding up production and generally pissing off the crew, according to TMZ:

Emily Osment, who plays Lilly Truscott, used to be extremely tight with Miley. Now we’re told Emily is so bitter she literally turns away from Miley after each scene. We’re told Emily’s dad got in a screaming match with Billy Ray, complaining he and Miley were unprofessional.
Sources tell us Billy Ray has told people on the set that he and Miley will do twelve more episodes and then they are out. Disney was so pissed they called his agent, railing that Billy Ray and Miley were ingrates. Disney insisted that Billy Ray and Miley not only finish the twenty-four episode season — but Disney was adding six more episodes.

Good. Real smart career move. I think I speak for everyone when I say I hope I never see this buck-toothed little trollop and her boyfriend’s package again. I mean, not that I’ve looked at it or anything. Even when I sent everybody home early and said I’d lock up for the night, I didn’t look at Justin Gaston’s package while sitting at the Geekologist’s desk. Nope, never happened. And, if you don’t believe me, feel free to check the security tapes I completely erased then ran over with my car.

Billy Ray Cyrus should be interviewed all day every day. The country star and father of Miley Cyrus (better known as Hannah Montana) stopped by The Today Show this morning to talk about the scandal involving a topless photo of Miley that appeared in Vanity Fair. Check out these awesome answers that run the hilarious gambit of poop and turkey necks:

On why he stayed quiet about Miley’s photos:
“My dad always told me the more you stomp in poop, the more it stinks.”

On the advice Kris Kristofferson gave him:
“And I remember Kris Kristofferson stopped me backstage at one of my shows and said, ‘Listen, hoss, always remember: The turkey with the longest neck’s always going to be the one everyone’s shootin’ at’.”

On the supposedly suggestive father-daughter photo:
“That’s just a daddy who loves his daughter a whole lot. If a daddy hasn’t hugged his daughter recently, I recommend he does.”

On his excuse for leaving the shoot early and not seeing the topless photo:
“I had a show to do, and an obligation, to go to Washington state … playing for the troops just back from Iraq.”

Billy Ray also added: “Yeah, the troops… and a group of scientists who needed me to play my gee-tar to cure cancer. Yeah. Dang gum diddily, I reckon all that stuff.” Wait a minute, he done served us a cowpie!

Video after the jump.

During Oscar weekend, Miley Cyrus met the Mistress of Sag Lindsay Lohan and the two exchanged phone numbers. It was rumored that Miley’s dad country legend Billy Ray Cyrus deleted the number from Miley’s phone. But Billy Ray set the record straight on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show this morning. People reports:

Billy Ray’s response: Not true. “We love Lindsay,” he said.
Cyrus, 46, emphasized that he wants his kids to think of him as a “best friend.” “I wanna be the person [Miley] wants to talk to,” he told Seacrest.

I understand Billy Ray doesn’t want to pull a Lynne Spears and upset his gravy train, but in my house Lindsay Lohan is a big no-no. Not only do my kids not have her number in their phones, but they aren’t even allowed to use any letters in Lindsay’s name. Wait, hold on, my daughter just asked me what time it is: “Whoa, there’s an A, I, and S in that sentence. And an H! An H!? Are you kidding me? We raised you better than that, missy! Now get in the basement with your brother. He’s been down there since I caught him watching Mean Girls last week, so, uh, here’s a bat.” *sniff* They grow up so fast.