David Letterman is growing visibly tired with having the “stars” of MTV’s The Hills on his show. Last night Lauren Conrad stopped by and you can tell Dave wasn’t in the sunshine up-the-ass blowing mood. Check out his comments:

On Lauren Conrad’s constant drama:
“That raises the question, maybe you’re the problem. You think? Let me give you an example from my own life. For a long time–10, 15, 30, 40 years–I thought, ‘Jeez people are idiots.’ And then it occurred to me, ‘Is it possible everyone’s an idiot?’ Maybe I’m the idiot.”

On Spencer Pratt:
“Spencer, what a weasel. He’s just the worst, that guy.”

On Brody Jenner:
“Let me just tell you something about Brody. If there was no television, this guy would be living in a tree.”

My favorite part is when Dave tells Lauren she’s the problem, and she just sits there stunned. She literally has no clue what just hit her. It’s called “REALITY”, and surprise! It doesn’t come with a pink script and a latte. OMFG!

Video after the jump.

These are shots of Brody Jenner’s mom actress Linda Thompson at the beach. Since we’ve been having a dialog about abortion these past couple of days I thought I’d show what a woman who should’ve had one looks like: HOT! I don’t know what kind of message that sends, but I’m pretty sure it involves Brody Jenner getting attacked by a wire hanger. (Hint: It does.)

Somebody, somewhere on the Interwebs decided to do some research (?) into the whole Mary-Kate Olsen/Spencer Pratt feud which apparently started back in high school. In a 2007 Details article, Spencer brags about selling a picture of an underage Mary-Kate drinking at a party for $50,000. On top of of that, he also dishes out his blatant attempts to leech the everliving fuck out of the celebrity world even if it requires having sex with Heidi on video:

On getting Brody to date Nicole Richie:
“All right, then here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that shit, bro. You’ll be, like, a fucking hero to America.

On being famous
“What does it take to be famous nowadays? Nothing! Look at Nicole. She’s on the cover of every magazine every week. And why? Because she doesn’t eat. Well, lots of girls in this country don’t eat. That’s, like, my whole philosophy with Brody—make him part of that.”

On starting his own sex tape scandal:
Pratt spends 20 minutes talking about how he plans to make a tape of himself and Heidi Montag having sex, which he’s thinking about posting online.

On Kevin Connolly of HBO’s Entourage:
“That guy is a joke,” Pratt says with scorn. “We were Entourage before Entourage.” He’s not joking. To Pratt, the notion that someone would become famous by acting is ridiculous. “Why would anyone act,” he asks, “when they can just play themselves?”

Dear Hollywood,

I know you’re reading this because you can’t get enough awesome. Don’t worry; your secret’s safe. In return for my silence, I’m calling in a favor. The next time Spencer Pratt comes to your office with some sort of asscockian pitch, I want you to throw a bucket of AIDS in his face. Nothing fancy. Just a bucket of AIDS. If you don’t have a bucket of AIDS or recently threw one at a member of the Hogan family, I’d be glad to provide you with another one - free of charge.

Together we can make a difference.

The Superficial Writer.

Brody Jenner of MTV’s The Hills has landed his own reality show. It’s titled, are you ready? “Bromance.” A strange choice considering the premise of the show is for Brody to whittle down male contestants to join his entourage. (Sound familiar?) MTV has committed to only six episodes of the show that somehow manages to out-gay A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. Check out the details via The Hollywood Reporter:

Along the way, contestants will be whittled down via “Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies” after which rejected “bros” will be asked to leave the bachelor pad dripping wet in a swimsuit, luggage in hand. Bringing to mind various dating reality shows, contestants also will have shots at a “group date” and “alone time” with Jenner in every episode.
” ‘Bromance’ takes a successful TV format and turns it on its head,” MTV senior vp series development Liz Gateley said. “Brody is the perfect fit for this concept; he is the type of guy everyone wants to hang out with.”

Brody’s “the type of guy everyone wants to hang out with?” Really? Because I don’t. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ve got this thing about not hot tubbing with other dudes. Except when I was with Brooke Hogan. Oh, no, it was just me and her. I mean, him. No, her! *sobs* I don’t even know anymore! Also, I think I saw “it” move…

Model Cora Skinner hit the beach in Hawaii yesterday with boyfriend Brody Jenner of The Hils. I’m pretty sure it’s a crime against nature for a chick this hot to date a bag this douchey. Brody even has his own last name tattooed up his side which is just pure stupid in my book. That’s like writing “Will Pay Child Support Out the Anus” on your forehead. Sure, it’ll get you laid but then, uh, hmm. Maybe he’s on to something. Anyone got a Sharpie?

Brody Jenner is the unemployed 25-year-old son of Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner. He also occassionally pops up on MTV’s The Hills as a love interest for Lauren Conrad. While some of his co-stars have assistants, Brody has his mom, according to Page Six:

“Brody’s mom RSVP’s for him to parties,” said our source. “She called on his behalf for the L.A. Confidential Hypnotiq Halloween party Tuesday night.”

I would comment on Brody Jenner’s lameness, but, knowing what I know about The Hills, I’m 90% positive that he doesn’t even exist. In fact, I’m convinced the only person on The Hills that isn’t a fictional character is Heidi Montag. Not because she has giant boobs but, you know, because she has giant boobs.

NOTE: It’s scientifically impossible to talk about The Hills and not include pictures of Heidi Montag in a bikini. I hear there’s some people at NASA working on it, but as of yet no dice.