Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Justin Timberlake, Scarlett Johannson, Ryan Reynolds, Harrison Ford, Borat, Shia LaBeouf, Tobey MaDumbFace and a shitload of celebrities got together for a follow-up to the “Five Friends” video encouraging people to vote. Jesus, these things have sequels now? At least they got Spielberg to direct. Or, more like, FUCK they got Spielberg to direct. Thanks for the CGI gophers in Indy 4, asshole!

I don’t know about you guys, but this was definitely the last straw for me. I am so ready for this election to be over before Ashton Kutcher tells me to vote one more time, and I strangle him with a Kaballah bracelet. I honestly can’t wait to wake up on November 5th and learn our next president is… George Bush! Who will undoubtedly declare martial law and proclaim himself “Galactic Umpire” while Natalie Portman gives effortless birth to Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia. You heard it here first.

Cameron Diaz donned a bald head for her new movie My Sister’s Keeper, but fans of Cameron’s hair don’t worry unlike her co-star Sofia Vassilieva (from Medium) it is only skullcap.
Do you think she should shave it?

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Cameron Diaz’s father Emilio Diaz passed away this morning after a bout with pneumonia, according to TMZ:

We’re told the 58-year-old Emilio Diaz, a popular resident of Seal Beach, Calif., recently developed the flu which then turned into pneumonia. We hear his death was “shocking” as Emilio was in “terrific health.” Diaz is currently filming her upcoming flick “My Sister’s Keeper.” A source on the set tells us production on the film was shut down today.

My sincere condolences to Cameron Diaz and her family. R.I.P., Emilio, and many thanks for raising a super-fine daughter, who despite my cracks, is one of the few non-A-hole celebs out there. You done good, sir. You done good.

Cameron Diaz is enjoying the single life and isn’t sulking over the loss of Justin Timberlake. In fact, she’s all about the dudes and basically admits to Us Magazine that’s she a barrel of insane to date:

“I like boys — a lot. I’m boy crazy. That hasn’t changed since I was very young.”
But even Diaz knows she’s not the easiest partner to date.
“I’m a lot of woman — in a lot of ways,” she says. “And I understand that can be intimidating.”

I think what Cameron Diaz meant to say is she has a whole lot of women in her mouth. And there’s plenty of room for more! Call now. This is not a time share. Operators are standing by.

Cameron Diaz did a little shoe shopping yesterday and, frankly, I forgot she was even alive. Her hotness is so questionable, I’m not even sure I can legally post these. I’m waiting for the guys upstairs to give me a confirmation. And here it is.. *reads* Okay, I think this means “yes”. I don’t speak legalese, so I’ll copy and paste it for you guys to transcribe:

Superficial Writer,
Even the blind janitor knows Cameron Diaz is a mutant giant with lips of the apocalypse. In the future, instead of abusing our time with asinine questions, we kindly request that you seek an alternative route. Namely getting AIDS in the face.
Sincerely,
Anticlown Legal Dept.

Those guys are class acts. I should send them a fruit basket.

Want to see the NSFW pictures then