Hilary Duff’s father Bob Duff was sentenced to 10 days in jail yesterday during a trial over, I shit you not, who will pay for Hilary’s 21st birthday. (He was sentenced for failing to report the sale of assets, not for the birthday party.) Apparently, Hilary’s mother Susan wants to make sure Hilary gets just as much as her sister Haylie and took Bob to court over it. All this to the tune of $25,000, according to the Houston Chronicle:

The $10,000 her husband pays her in interim support each month is “not even enough to pay my own bills” and certainly not enough to afford such expensive birthday treats, Susan testified. She said she has to rely on Hilary for financial help to pay her lawyers and other bills.
In his cross-examination, Piro asked Susan if her “adult millionaire daughter” would be upset if she did not receive an expensive gift and party for her birthday.
Susan replied that her daughter “is emotionally upset by the abandonment of her father” and deserves “to have some kind of recognition for a young life well-lived.”
Piro asked her where she thought Bob would get the money, and Susan replied he could get it from the same place he got money to buy presents for his girlfriend’s sons.
“I know he’s a millionaire, and he’s got the funds,” she said.
When Bob took the stand a few minutes later, Brown asked him if he wanted Hilary to receive a comparable gift to Haylie for her 21st birthday.
“Yes,” Bob replied.
“You’re not mad at Hilary, are you?” Brown asked.
Bob hesitated, and Brown withdrew the question.
Stansbury eventually ordered Bob to pay $12,500 to Susan for Hilary’s birthday.

Jesus, let’s tie up the court system making sure Hilary Duff’s father buys her an insane birthday present. If that’s enough, I love Hilary’s mom crying that she can’t live on $10,000 a month and has to ask Hilary for money to cover her legal fees. Here’s a suggestion: Why don’t you quit suing your husband over ridiculous shit and live on the $120 grand you make for having a functional birth canal? I know it sounds crazy, but it just might work.

Filed under: Transportation, Wireless

No surprise here, but the kids from MIT were (presumably) right all along. The three students who were muffled just before presenting their case at Defcon have finally been freed; the now-revoked gag order had prevented them from exposing insecurities in the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority ticket system, but during the same court setting, the MBTA fessed up and admitted that its current system was indeed vulnerable. Of note, it only confessed that its CharlieTicket system was susceptible to fraud, while simply not acknowledging any flaws in the more popular CharlieCard option. Pish posh — who here believes it doesn’t have dutiful employees working up a fix as we speak?

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Nikki Blonksy’s father Carl was allowed to post bail yesterday due to a medical condition. He can’t leave the Turks and Caicos island until his trial for beating the ever living crap out of Elaine Golden the mother of America’s Next Top Model contestant, Bianca Golden. In case you forgot what grievous sin Elaine committed to deserve a trip to the ICU, she moved Carl’s luggage. Harpie! ET Online reports:

A police constable tells us that Carl, who’s been locked up in a Turks and Caicos islands jail for over a week, was freed after posting $3000 bail awarded to him by the Chief Justice on Monday morning. Regardless, he must remain on the island and his travel documents are in police custody.
He’s due to appear in court on August 19 at 9:00 a.m.

You know what’d be hilarious? As part of Carl’s sentence he’s banned from the airport effectively trapping him on the island. Of course, he could always use Nikki as a flotation device to aid his return to the homeland. Always look for that silver lining, folks. Even if it’s made of Ben & Jerry’s.

Filed under: Gaming

A select bunch of Transmeta investors may not completely agree with how the outfit is being managed, but one thing’s for sure: it’s bringing in some serious coin on this deal. During a brief timeout from counting those stacks of Benjamins handed over by Intel, it decided to license its Long Run and LongRun 2 technologies (among “other intellectual property”) to NVIDIA for a cool $25 million. Additionally, the agreement grants NVIDIA a “non-exclusive and fully paid-up license” to all of Transmeta’s patents and patent applications. Unfortunately, it’s still unclear how exactly this will end up affecting NVIDIA fanboys (and girls), but we’ll go out on a limb and suggest that a mobile GTX 280 with a remarkably low power draw is just around the bend.

[Via SlashGear]

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Jamie Spears will continue his conservatorship of Britney until the end of the year. The commissioner extended Jamie’s control of Britney’s estate during a hearing this afternoon, but left it open to early termination. (Read: Once Britney can put on her clothes like a big girl, she gets her bank account back.) E! Online reports:

“Regarding the conservatorship of the person, I understand that Ms. Spears is reluctantly agreeing to extend those letters,” Goetz said. “We are extending them until Dec. 31, 2008.”
A status hearing for the extended order has been set for Oct. 28.

My sources tell me Britney’s reluctance was easily won over when her dad promised her a pony. Except after the hearing he said “Just kidding” and took her to the dentist.

Hey, remember this guy? Sam Lutfi a.k.a. Douchebeard McDrugYourDrinks. Well, it turns out the restraining order requiring him to stay 250 yards away from Britney Spears expires today. The order will not be renewed, but Britney’s lawyer issued the following public statement to Douchebeard letting him know what the fuck’s up. The AP reports:

“Britney has made clear to everyone that she does not want to be further harassed or contacted in any way by Osama ‘Sam’ Lutfi, now or at anytime in the future,” Spears’ attorney Samuel D. Ingham III said in a statement to The Associated Press.
“During the temporary conservatorship, the conservators have the power to insure that Lutfi will not harm Britney anymore. If Mr. Lutfi makes any future attempt to contact Britney after the temporary conservatorship has concluded, Britney has made clear she will take all appropriate legal action.”

Did Britney really make it clear she’ll “take all appropriate legal action”? I doubt she knows what one of those words even mean. Here’s a more likely scenario: “If Mr. Lutfi attempts to contact Britney, Britney will take actions including, but not limited to, sticking a bucket of KFC over her head then running into a wall. Britney also reserves the right to say ‘Whoop whoop whoop whoop!’ prior to impact.”

Lindsay Lohan is on the straight and narrow, according to the judge presiding over her probation case stemming from last year’s misdemeanor charges. Nothing like seeing a veritable booze tornado defy all odds and become a lesbian. *sniff* She was one of the greats. E! Online reports:

A Los Angeles judge agreed with the 22-year-old starlet’s attorney today when he determined that Lohan had “proper attendance” and “no missed dates” regarding the various obligations she has been required to attend as part of her probation from 2007’s twin-DUI debacle.

All I have to say is, they don’t make overprivileged child stars like they used to anymore. Britney’s cleaned herself up and now Lindsay. Christ, next you’re going to tell me Paris Hilton has stop killing homeless men with her death vagina. I’ve traveled into a parallel universe, haven’t I? I knew it. I bet I can fly in this one. Whee!

UPDATE: So I don’t have the power of flight. What I do have is the ability to bounce off the roof of a Prius into a bus. On that note, I’ll be typing with my tongue from here on outpbpt. Damfit.

Filed under: Misc. Gadgets

Bringing an end to the Samsung slush fund probe, a South Korean court has fined Lee Kun-hee, Samsung’s former Chairman and son of the chaebol’s founder, $109 million for tax evasion. A rather favorable decision when you consider that prosecutors sought a seven-year jail sentence and a fine of $347 million. The court said that his crimes did not justify a prison term. Lee, appearing relieved by the decision, apologized again saying, “I’m sorry for causing trouble to the people,” presumably while adjusting his monocle and top-hat from atop his golden chariot.

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Raffaello Follieri is about to experience the sweet cock-slap of justice. After being arrested on charges of fraud, he was placed on $21 million bail today despite prosecutors arguing Raffaelo has the money and connections to flee the country, but his lawyer guaranteed his cooperation. Which would’ve have been believable had he not just put on fake Hasidic Jew sideburns while asking for directions to La Guardia. The AP reports:

Prosecutor Reed Michael Brodsky said Follieri, of Foggia, Italy, boasted of tight Vatican connections to entice investors to give millions of dollars so he could “live the lifestyle of a multimillionaire.” He said Follieri had duped one investor as recently as last month.
“In short, your honor, he is a con man, and he was able to defraud a lot of people out of a lot of money over a long period of time,” Brodsky told Magistrate Judge Henry B. Pitman. “The evidence in this case is overwhelming because he left a trail of evidence.”

Raffaello is not allowed to leave his home except for “legal meetings, medical treatment or religious services.” After the part about religious services was announced, Raffaelo yelled “Cha-ching!” while dollar signs popped up in his eyes - then quickly apologized to his lawyer. “Oh, excusey. Was I not a supposed a do that? Me make a you spaghetti.”

The commissioner overseeing Britney Spears’ conservatorship has agreed to allow Britney to sell her house. She’s eyeing up a $5.6 million mansion in Encino which is conveniently closer to Kevin Federline. My people tell me it’s obviously to improve the reception of their phone sex. Although, I could’ve done without the visual aid,Geekologist. I hope you plan on marrying that Blackberry. E! Online reports:

Spears has not exactly endeared herself to fellow denizens of the community, who have complained about the constant presence of paparazzi outside the gates. Some reports have blamed Spears as the reason neighbor Ed McMahon has not received a single offer on his $6.5 million house that’s facing foreclosure.

I really feel this is best for the children. And, no, not Britney’s kids. I’m talking the ones her neighbors would sacrifice so God will take pity and shield their eyes from “Beezelbub’s Hatchet Wound.” On a brighter note, Ed McMahon can finally stop wasting his golden years scaling Britney’s gate with a blowgun and promises of fried chicken.

R. Kelly has been acquitted of all 14 charges in his infamous child-pornography con golden shower case. It took the jurors less than a day of deliberation to find R. not guilty. The AP reports:

Prosecutors had argued that a video tape mailed to the Chicago Sun-Times in 2002 showed Kelly engaged in graphic sex acts with a girl as young as 13 at the time. Both Kelly, 41, and the now 23-year-old alleged victim had denied they were the ones on the tape. Neither testified during the trial.

R. Kelly thanked the jurors then asked if there was a junior high nearby. He drank way too much water waiting for the verdict, and you know how it goes.

Filed under: Gaming

Here in the US, we’ve heard some pretty terrifying experiences about selling modchips, but it seems as if higher-ups in the UK are being a bit more reasonable about the whole thing. Reportedly, UK-based MrModchips was cleared of all 26 counts against him for his role in importing and selling console modchips, as the Court of Appeal Criminal Division (Judge Justice Jacobs, in particular) ruled that said chips do not circumvent copyright protection. Better still, the defendant was “awarded full costs as a result of his successful appeal,” and we can only assume he was smiling all the way out of the crowded courtroom. Chalk one up for the little guy.

[Via Slashdot]

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Filed under: HDTV, Home Entertainment

Far from being the first time Time Warner Cable has upset its subscriber base, the Los Angeles city attorney’s office is pulling a Dee Snider and refusing to take the carrier’s lackluster service anymore. In a 25-page lawsuit, the city is alleging that the operator “caused major havoc and distress” two years ago when it “failed to live up to its part of the franchise cable agreement requiring that a company answer subscribers’ calls within 30 seconds and begin repairs of service interruptions within 24 hours of notification in 90% of its calls for service.” The suit claims that no more than 60% of customer calls were answered in time, and cable / internet service was said to be “so intermittent and inferior in quality that it was not much better than no service at all.” Not surprisingly, TWC representatives chose not to comment on the whole ordeal, but the outfit could face civil penalties of tens of millions of crisp US dollars in the case. Should’ve picked up the phone, TWC — it would’ve been easier than picking up this tab.

[Image courtesy of Web 2 Concepts, thanks Scott]

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Nick Hogan-Bollea’s lawyers filed a response to the civil lawsuit filed by John Graziano’s family. John was the passenger in Nick’s car when it crashed and is now in a coma. But according to Nick’s lawyer, John Graziano is also Satan himself. Okay, maybe they don’t go that far, but they literally blame John Graziano for the entire accident and claim Nick did nothing wrong. Except, maybe got drunk and drag-raced. But, what’s this? John gave him the beer?! You don’t say. TMZ reports:

We’ve obtained his response to the civil lawsuit that John’s family filed against the Hogans, and it’s outrageous: Nick blames virtually every person on the planet — including John himself and Daniel Jacobs, the guy whom he drag-raced to cause the crash in the first place — but doesn’t take a shred of responsibility of his own.
Let’s just list the ways that Nick says John put himself in danger: Not wearing a seatbelt, not getting out of the car, getting into the car in the first place.

If you take a look at the response, I’m surprised there’s not a paragraph stating that John Graziano secretly harbored a dream to be in a coma by his early 20’s. Jesus. Anyway, while his mom is out dating his long-haired doppleganger, Nick is apparently sitting in solitary confinement because he’s a minor and must be separated from the other inmates, according to People:

Bollea, 17, spends 16 to 17 hours a day in a maximum security cell in a Florida jail where his food is delivered through a slot in the door, his attorneys said in a court filing seeking a transfer to monitored home confinement or the minimum-security area.

Okay, that does sound a bit harsh. I think some sort of compromise can he made here. Hmm, let’s see. Ooh, got it: Nick Hogan can get out of solitary - as soon as John Graziano wakes up and lets him out.

A house that’s in the center of a court battle between 50 Cent and Shaniqua Tompkins, the mother of his son Marquise, suspiciously went up in flames early this morning. Shaniqua is saying the fire was attempted murder and she distinctly heard someone in the house before the fire, according to TMZ:

The lawyer for 50 Cent’s baby mama, Shaniqua Tompkins, tells TMZ that she heard “someone” come into the house this morning at 4 AM, shortly before the fire broke out around a hour later.
Paul Catsandonis, Shaniqua’s lawyer, tells us that his client is “traumatized” by the fire and that the kids are similarly in total shock. Six people, including Tompkins and their 10-year-old son Marquise, were in the house. They all were transported to the hospital and treated for smoke inhalation.

The house was allegedly promised to Shaniqua by 50 until he decided to put her and his son Marquise on the street. The AP reports:

Tompkins filed a lawsuit against 50 earlier this year claiming he had promised her a house more than a decade ago, but that since their breakup, he now wants to evict her and their 10-year-old son from the home.
Tompkins’ lawyer, Paul Catsandonis, told The Associated Press in a telephone interview that the dispute over the house had become “extremely, extremely contentious” in recent days. Although he declined to be specific, he said there was an “extremely dangerous incident” Monday in his Manhattan office while taking a deposition for the lawsuit.

And by “extremely dangerous incident,” Shaniqua’s lawyer meant 50 yelled “Bitch, I’ll burn that house down with you in it at exactly 4 A.M. Friday May 30, 2008. But first, you’ll hear someone break in and shit and you’ll be all, ‘Aw no, what’s happenin’?’ And it’ll be me burning down this particular house in the middle of our highly publicized court battle. But ain’t no one’s gonna know it was me! Ha! In da house. 50 out. The fucks’ the elevator. I hate stairs!”

PEABODY AWARD WINNING POST FOR MOST ACCURATE TRANSCRIPTION OF LEGALESE: THE SUPERFICIAL

Britney Spears is “not yet fit” to participate in court hearings regarding her conservatorship. To bring everyone up to speed, after Brit’s second trip to Crazytown Mental Ward, her father Jamie was placed in control of her estate and is actually doing a bang-up job. Britney’s attorney Samuel Ingham spent 90 minutes yesterday talking to Commissioner Reva Goetz, according to the AP:

Ingham told the court afterward that Spears’ medical condition is “fluid” because her treatment is changing.
Spears’ probate case is scheduled to go to trial July 31, but Ingham said it could be “harmful” for her to participate. Goetz agreed and said Spears’ diagnosis is not complete.

Just so I have this straight: Britney is unable to hear about her finances, but is allowed to have sex with her agent. Is Jamie Spears making sure her vagina stays open for the summer? If so, smart move what with it being vacation season and all. There’s never a more bonding experience than packing up the fam in a camper and visiting our national parks and vaginas. God bless Jamie Spears.

Filed under: Desktops, Laptops

According to a state judge in Albany, New York, Dell and its financing arm “engaged in deceptive business practices related to financing promotions for its computers and technical support.” The decision, which was just released yesterday, contained quotes from NY State Supreme Court Justice Joseph C. Teresi stating that the Round Rock mega-corp dabbled in “repeated misleading, deceptive and unlawful business conduct, including false and deceptive advertising of financing promotions and the terms of warranties, fraudulent, misleading and deceptive practices in credit financing and failure to provide warranty service and rebates.” The ruling stemmed from a lawsuit filed by NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo last year, and while Mr. Cuomo was understandably delighted with the outcome, a Dell spokesman made clear that it didn’t agree with the decision and it would be “defending its position vigorously.” As for potential restitution for NYers, we won’t know any of that until further proceedings are held.

[Thanks, Nate]

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Filed under: Cellphones

Good news coming from the Motorola camp? Say it ain’t so! The long-standing feud between the flagging company and investor Carl Icahn has finally come to an end, and lo and behold, the pending litigation between the two has even been dismissed. Apparently the two parties managed to agree that (effective immediately) Keith Meister, a managing director of the Icahn investment funds and principal executive officer of Icahn Enterprises would be “appointed to serve on the [firm’s board of directors],” and William R. Hambrecht, founder, chairman and CEO of WR Hambrecht + Co. and co-founder of Hambrecht & Quist, would be “nominated for election” during the 2008 annual shareholders meeting. Heck, Moto’s even soliciting Mr. Icahn’s input in dealing with the hopeful separation of businesses — but then again, it would probably take advice from just about anyone given the current state of affairs.

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Danielle Fishel (a.k.a. Topanga from Boy Meets World) went before a judge and bawled her eyes out for missing a court date in her DUI case. Apparently her calculated legal strategy worked and her probation was reinstated. Ah, sweet justice. TMZ reports:

Danielle Fishel went under radar as she appeared in a LA Courthouse earlier this year. She had failed to show for a hearing in an earlier DUI case and a warrant was issued for her arrest. Then last December, she was pulled over in the O.C. When cops ran her name in the computer, they found she had a warrant and busted her.

First off, she went under the radar because I guarantee at least half the comments will read “Who the hell is Danielle Fishel?” She was the love interest of Corey Matthews. DUH! God, people, open a book once in a while. Anyway, it’s nice to know that you can simply cry your way out of jail. But, sadly, that didn’t work for me. When I bawled before a judge they threw me right in the slammer. Mostly because it wasn’t even my trial and I sort of parked my car in the juror box - upside down. So called “legal experts” will blame the bottle of Jager I drank for breakfast. I blame the county for letting me build a ramp in five minutes out in the parking lot. Honestly, what do I pay taxes for?

Filed under: Cellphones

Just days after the ITC upheld a December ruling that stated that Nokia did not violate Qualcomm patents, the UK High Court has handed down its decision on a lawsuit initially filed in May of 2006. If you’ll recall, the case involved Nokia’s GSM / GPRS / EDGE-only handsets and a pair of Qualcomm’s patents “that cover certain power saving and power control technologies.” Nearly two years after the spat got real, the court has ruled that “although the Nokia accused products included the patented technologies, the power saving patent is invalid and that the power control patent is partially valid but, insofar as it is valid, is not infringed by Nokia.” Granted, we reckon that could have been spilled out with fewer complexities, but the end result has Qualcomm considering “whether to seek permission from the UK court to amend the patents and appeal the decision.” Please, just let it go.

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