Spencer Pratt has responded back to comments made about him on Letterman by Mary-Kate Olsen. I’m sure when he got the call he squealed “OMG! Me me me!” Then he pushed Heidi Montag in a puddle and kicked a puppy. I have sources. Anyway, here’s what Captain Oily of Anal Brigade said to Us Magazine:

“I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see,” he told Usmagazine.com Friday. “She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me.
“I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.”

Okay, first off, Mary-Kate doesn’t need Spencer for publicity. Heath Ledger covered that check. Second, who the hell is Spencer Pratt to call out an Olsen twin? Those two had a billion dollar video franchise before they realized they hate solid foods but love opiates. What has Spencer done? Besides being the boy who wished hard enough for his sister’s Barbie doll to come to life. Horrible, vapid, man, he should’ve wished for G.I. Joe instead life.

Mary-Kate Olsen stopped by Letterman last night to promote her new film The Wackness where she talked about spending her 22nd birthday at Bonnaroo, making out with Ben Kinglsey and not wanting her kids to be child actors. She then brought up going to high school with Spencer Pratt who Dave mentioned is a little “wormy.” I guess that’s showbiz talk for “epic assclown.” Good to know:

Mary-Kate: He does not have a good temper. He walked out of a few games. He would walk off the field. He was like, ‘Me or the coach!’
Dave: Were you friends with the guy at the time?
Mary-Kate: No.
Dave: Because I’m surprised about the soccer. Because looking at the guy, he looks like a guy that has never broken a sweat, I would guess.
Mary-Kate: Oh, my God — that brings up stories! I don’t know if I should talk about it.
Dave: No, c’mon, let’s hear one. Let’s go.
Mary-Kate: [laughs] The Wackness is a great film.
Dave: What I don’t understand is how does a kid that age, and he’s only in his 20s or maybe even your age, how does a kid like that get to be so oily?
Mary-Kate: It’s a mystery to me.

While I’m not surprised that Spencer Pratt is universally looked upon as Hollywood’s shit stain, I’m extremely amazed at how normal Mary-Kate Olsen appears. For once she doesn’t look like Yoda on heroin and is actually speaking to other humans. I always figured Mary-Kate communicated via an intricate series of wrist flaps and lip pouting. But real words? Honestly, who saw that coming?

Video after the jump.

Spencer Pratt, through some unholy alliance with Lucifer (He let him touch Heidi’s boobs.), managed to find himself as a guest on The Late Show with David Letterman. And, get this, the smug little douchecock has the nerve to check his watch during the interview! After that, Spencer rambles on about how he’s apparently found the next pop stars of the future which are really younger versions of pop stars of the past. I dunno, but it’s even more retarded than I just described it:

“I live and breath pop culture. Right now I’ve got a partnership with the next Jay-Z. And he’s only 12. He’s better than Jay-Z at 12-years-old, so imagine him at 20…. I also have the future Michael Jackson. Duwann. He’s 23. You’ll be reading about him soon.”

Anyone get the distinct feeling Spencer Pratt stumbled across a time machine and is kidnapping the stars of today while they’re kids? I don’t know how else to explain why I saw him leaving Toys R’ Us with a young 50 Cent. Who Spencer then tossed in the back of a van while rubbing his hands together laughing “Children! I love children! Muhahahaha!” True story - which I know I say a lot, but, seriously, no bullshit; this one’s the real deal. Along with the time I said I had sex with Catwoman.

Video after the jump.

Heidi Montag stopped by The Late Show with David Letterman* last night (video after the jump) where she expanded on the revived rumors about Lauren Conrad’s sex tape. While looking like Barbie’s sister with Extra Chin Power, Heidi went through her usual schtick about The Hills before reiterating the existence of the tape, according to Us Magazine:

“I tried to help her get it back for, like, a year,” Montag said on the Late Show With David Letterman Wednesday. “I was like, ‘You gotta get it back, you gotta do something about this.’”
When Conrad’s ex Jason Wahler threatened to release it, Montag claimed, “she was like, ‘I don’t know what to do…’ I was like, ‘Well, let’s get it back.’
“Next thing I know,” Montag continued, “it’s blamed on me. All of a sudden, I made up the sex tape… I didn’t film it, I didn’t do it, I’m not trying to sell it. How did it come down on me?”

If I stood across the street, I’m pretty sure I could toss a whole orange straight into her mouth. No, wait, that’s not right. Make it a cantaloupe. Betting starts at 5 PM EST. Deeds to houses, wives (Preferably sans penis.) and Ferraris accepted.

*How the hell did Heidi Montag get on Letterman?: A Superficial Companion Piece on Media: You see, kids, Viacom owns MTV which airs The Hills and also CBS which airs Letterman. Bam! Presto, change-o, Dave spends a full hour crying in his dressing room then bathes in pure gold and baby seal hearts. True story.

Demi Moore chatted with David Letterman last night to promote her new movie Flawless. Dave commented on her “amazing” looks and Demi revealed her latest age-defying secrete: Austrian leech therapy. These pics are from this morning so judger for yourself whether she looks amazing or, I dunno, let’s say an alien. Here’s an excerpt of the interview via The Huffington Post:

“I feel like I’ve always been someone looking for the cutting edge of things that optimize your health and healing,” she told Dave. “I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatment was leech therapy.”
Demi describes how four leeches got drunk on her blood, starting from her bellybutton, and how they don’t like hair and prefer waxed or shaved skin.

Hopefully Demi Moore will continue her leech therapy at home and maybe, fingers crossed, one of them will escape and bite off Ashton Kutcher’s penis. Then, as the story goes, an angel gets its wings and becomes a stripper. I’m 90% sure that’s in the Bible. Right after the chapter where God tells Moses that “Dude, if you think you’re cool to drive, I believe you. But first we should totally get nachos!”

Letterman clip after the jump.

Paris Hilton will appear on The Late Show with David Letterman despite being ridiculed by Dave back in September, according to TMZ:

TMZ has learned that Dave’s getting another shot with Princess P, and that she’ll be a guest on the show on Friday, Feb. 1. It’ll be the sixth time she’s been on Dave’s show — and her first since that memorable appearance on Sept. 28.

I know there’s a writers strike and people don’t want to cross the picket line, but, damn, is Dave hurting that bad for guests? I’m sure he spent several hours trying to decide between Paris and a ham sandwich only to find out Leno already booked the sandwich. Stupid, Leno. Always trying to be all fancy and high-brow…

If you missed any of this over the weekend, what’s it like to be in a coma? While you think of an answer, here’s what went down: Letterman had Paris Hilton on his show Friday night and basically tore into her with questions about being in jail until Paris broke out the waterworks. People reports:

After facing a continued barrage of jail-related questions, Hilton, who was on the show to promote her new fragrance Can-Can and her upcoming movie, Repo! The Genetic Opera, said, “I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” But Letterman would not be swayed. “This is where you and I are different. Because this is all I want to talk about,” he said.

As Letterman continued to press, Hilton held up her hand: “I’m going on the next question. I’m over it.”

At one point a crowd member yelled, “I love you Paris!” which she answered by saying, “I love you too,” and blowing a kiss. Quipped Letterman, “Somebody you met in prison?” Hilton, blushing, shook her head no.

“There’s other stuff to talk about Dave,” Hilton said. “I didn’t come here to talk about this. That was a long time ago.”

Finally, after more than six minutes of grilling, Hilton said Letterman was making her “sad that I came here.”

I don’t think Paris Hilton understands that going to jail is about the only conversation-worthy thing she’s done in, well, ever. Millionaire heiress had to serve jail-time despite her wealth and undeserved celebrity status. That’s seriously the feel-good event of the year. If John Wayne were alive, he’d actually shed a tear knowing Paris did time. Then he’d say we should “go and hunt some Injuns” and we’d all kind of look around real awkward-like. We could tell him that kind of talk is frowned upon these days. Or we could, I dunno, not get shot. That works too. Especially for me. I try and keep my stomach bullet-free. It’s sort of a quirky little thing I do.

Forbes Magazine just released their Celebrity 100 list with the world’s most powerful celebs. They’ve added up annual salaries, web rank, PR rank and TV rank.

Last year Oprah Winfrey earned $260 million for the year! Prisoner Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears didn’t even make the list.

Here is the full list from Forbes: