At an after-party for Madonna’s recently launched Sticky & Sweet Tour, her brother Christopher Ciccone felt the mood was right for sharing a lactating Demi Moore anecdote with The Sun. But, then again, when isn’t the mood right for a Demi Moore story about breast milk? (Answer: Christmas dinner. I’ve been shunned.):

He said: “We went out and Demi was dancing up on me and humping me from behind. She was lactating at the time and she was squirting breast milk at my lesbian friends.
“My friend Michelle called me the next morning and asked me: ‘How do I get breast milk out of my black dress?’
“I replied: ‘How the f*** would I know? Call Demi!’”

Try club soda. Now, keep in mind the source of this story is Madonna’s brother and The Sun. So the only place this really happened is my mind - and right now: “Look out, Demi, she wants you to sign a petition for gay adoption! PEW PEW PEW!”

Demi Moore chatted with David Letterman last night to promote her new movie Flawless. Dave commented on her “amazing” looks and Demi revealed her latest age-defying secrete: Austrian leech therapy. These pics are from this morning so judger for yourself whether she looks amazing or, I dunno, let’s say an alien. Here’s an excerpt of the interview via The Huffington Post:

“I feel like I’ve always been someone looking for the cutting edge of things that optimize your health and healing,” she told Dave. “I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatment was leech therapy.”
Demi describes how four leeches got drunk on her blood, starting from her bellybutton, and how they don’t like hair and prefer waxed or shaved skin.

Hopefully Demi Moore will continue her leech therapy at home and maybe, fingers crossed, one of them will escape and bite off Ashton Kutcher’s penis. Then, as the story goes, an angel gets its wings and becomes a stripper. I’m 90% sure that’s in the Bible. Right after the chapter where God tells Moses that “Dude, if you think you’re cool to drive, I believe you. But first we should totally get nachos!”

Letterman clip after the jump.

Demi Moore posed for the cover of V Magazine’s Spring Preview 2008. I’m confused by these covers. And not just by the photoshopping. I thought this magazine was about people with vagina’s. Maybe the editors confused Demi with Ashton Kutcher. It happens. He definitely has a V. In fact, I hear it’s a W. I don’t really know what that means, but I bet explains why Bruce Willis stops over a lot.