Eva Mendes is more than just the face for the new Calvin Klein Secret Obsession campaign. She’s also the bush, boobs and nipples. Just scope out the NSFW version of the photo above along with the even more NSFW commercial after the jump. The spot is already banned from US television because, holy crap, it’s Eva Mendes totally freaking topless. Although, with our economy in its current state, you figure the FCC would want to encourage consumers to buy shit, but what do I know? I’m just a simple man who can bend steel in his bare hands. At any rate, here’s looking forward to her next campaign: Eva Mendes’ Clitoris for Michelin tires.

Thanks to everyone who wrote in on this one. You’re all on my Christmas list!

Eva Mendes is more than just the face for the new Calvin Klein Secret Obsession campaign. She’s also the bush, boobs and nipples. Just scope out the NSFW version of the photo above along with the even more NSFW commercial after the jump. The spot is already banned from US television because, holy crap, it’s Eva Mendes totally freaking topless. Although, with our economy in its current state, you figure the FCC would want to encourage consumers to buy shit, but what do I know? I’m just a simple man who can bend steel in his bare hands. At any rate, here’s looking forward to her next campaign: Eva Mendes’ Clitoris for Michelin tires.

Thanks to everyone who wrote in on this one. You’re all on my Christmas list!

Eva Mendes in lingerie is just brilliant marketing for any product under the sun. She could be in an ad campaign for Industrial Strength Penis Melter, and I’d pour it on my cereal. I don’t know what that says about me as a person, but I’m sure it’s something along the lines of “The Superficial Writer is a national treasure.”

These are come crazy ass topless pics of Eva Mendes in the latest issue of Vogue Italia. All I know is, I’m moving to Italy and stocking my house full of Eva Mendes’ Boobs/Drink Trays. Where do I pick something like that up? Pier 1? Or this more of an IKEA item? I get most of my furniture from the junk yard. People laughed when I made a bed out of old washing machines. But who’s laughing now? Me! And not just because of the tetanus.

Thanks to Selene who doubles as a sexy armoire.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that, even uncensored, are some bizarro shit.

Eva Mendes stopped by the New York Comic Con on Saturday to promote her upcoming movie The Spirit directed by comics legend Frank Miller. If all that information is new to you, congratulations, you probably don’t quietly cry alone in your room surrounded by Star Wars action figures. Uh, like my roommate. Not me. Wait, who moved Lando? But moving on, Eva apparently went batshit in front of a bunch of dorks and reader Ryan was there with the exclusive scoop:

My friends and I were at New York Comic Con Saturday, and one of the big attractions was the afternoon appearance by Eva Mendes and Frank Miller to promote their upcoming movie “The Spirit,” in which she stars and which he directs. People were lined up for hours for their 5:30 signing, many clutching comic books or other memorabilia they hoped to get autographed. But almost immediately upon arriving at the signing table, Mendes evidently freaked out and abruptly left. Frank Miller also chose to leave the table and hide in the curtained-off waiting area immediately behind the table, signing only posters for The Spirit, which were then carried out to the less-than-pleased fans waiting in line…. The scene dissolved into relative chaos, with people receiving signed posters from Miller and nothing from Mendes, who as far as anyone could tell simply left the convention altogether.

Somewhere a publicist’s head just exploded - then immediately grew back, I swear they’re like cockroaches. Anyway, curious as to what exactly The Spirit is about, I stumbled upon the teaser on MTV.com. Apparently this Spirit fellow has a city that’s both his mother AND his lover? Huh, so basically it’s Sin City for southerners. Yee-doggie!

Thanks to Ryan for the scoop. You’re more awesome than Batman, Superman and Wolverine driving a tank full of strippers - or Magic: The Gathering cards. Whichever frightens you less.

NOTE: Photo of Eva Mendes in character over at our sister site IWatchStuff.com. She’s fonty!

TMZ revealed today that Eva Mendes is in rehab battling a substance abuse problem:

We’re told the “Ghost Rider” star is at the famous Cirque Lodge, near Sundance. The Lodge, which treated Lindsay Lohan and other stars, is one of the most respected treatment facilities in the country.
Eva has been at Cirque for several weeks.

Her addiction? My guess is ass-patting. I had a problem with it myself. It was really affecting my work. I mean, I would pat anyone’s ass. My secretary, random co-workers, Ted in Accounting. Also the copying machine. Oh, that copying machine. Such a tight buttocks on that one… But, anyway, I got some help and I think I’m better for it. Best of luck to Eva.

Eva Mendes unveiled her new PETA ad today in Beverly Hills. She then pretended to be pat her own sweet, naked ass which is sort of like watching one of my dreams come true. Now if only some of my other dreams would come to fruition, like being elected president or owning a house made of solid chocolate.

Eva Mendes is the new face of PETA’s “I’d Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur” campaign. What an awesome coincidence. I, too, would rather see Eva Mendes go naked than wear fur. To prove how much I hate fur, I hunted down a bunch of forest creatures and put them in a wood chipper. Yeah, let’s see someone make a coat out of them now. I should be the president of PETA. I get shit done.

The pic above links to a NSFW version that’s full of assy goodness.

Eva Mendes was spotted leaving a private gym in West Hollywood yesterday. It’s been rumored she’s pregnant, and I believe it. That’s definitely a baby bump she’s hiding behind her purse. Of course, I generally leave observations like that to a real doctor. I’m just a guy who likes to lay around the house all day drinking beer in a lab coat. I tell my girlfriend I’m learning way more than I would at any old medical school. Though I think when I broke my arm the other day and poured Ny-Quil on it she knew something was up. I knew I should’ve used Pepto-Bismol.