Filed under: Transportation

If you had any urge whatsoever to try to your hand at drug trafficking over water while these “weird” economic times sort themselves out, uh, you may want to reevaluate your options. The ever-so-stealthy Stiletto has come to life after tracking down a remarkably quick drug-running boat near Florida; the bad guys were cruising at 42 knots, but that comic book-esque thing you’re undoubtedly peering at above can reach speeds of up to 60 knots. The double-M-shaped hull enables it to navigate in extraordinarily shallow waters without trouble, and a plethora of sensors and radars give it all the power it needs to track down goons. Oddly enough, it’s having a somewhat difficult time finding a government agency to truly call home, but if it continues to keep the coke out of our seas, we’d say it’ll win over some hearts soon enough.

[Thanks, Laz]

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Filed under: Gaming

Edward Keith Stoddard Jr. really likes his PlayStation 3. So much, in fact, that if you were to touch his PS3, he may just kill you. Such was the fate of his neighbor, Douglas F. Abrams, who Stoddard believed had taken his console. During an argument over the missing system, police say Stoddard shot Abrams, fatally wounding him. When cops showed up on the scene, Stoddard surrendered and was taken to Land O’Lakes jail (no, really) in Dade County, Florida. It’s okay to love your console, people — just don’t get jealous if it drops by the neighbor’s house for some tea.

[Via PS3Fanboy]

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Filed under: Misc. Gadgets

CompUSA died a sputtering, inglorious death, but Ohio-based Systemax (which owns TigerDirect) didn’t shell out $30M to pick up the pieces for nothing: it’s just announced that it’s re-opening 15 US stores and opening a new one, 13 of which are in Florida. We’re not sure why the Sunshine State faces the brunt of CompUSA’s angry zombie wrath — do retirees enjoy being ripped off?* — but Texans and Puerto Ricans can join in the fun with four stores of their very own. These are all apparently open now — anyone brave enough to check out the scene?

*Rejected asides: “Is this punishment for that Pitbull record?” “Guess you don’t need braiiiiiins to pay these prices!” “Screw you, Mickey!”

[Thanks, Steven]

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Filed under: Misc. Gadgets

digg_url = ‘http://digg.com/gadgets/When_good_toys_go_bad_X_Elmo_makes_death_threats_to_toddler’; Sure, it seemed like after the years of hard drinking, petty crime, and run-ins with the law, Elmo had cleaned up his act — but a shocking report out of Tampa Bay, Florida, says otherwise. A two-year-old’s life has been turned upside down by vicious talk coming from his favorite toy, Elmo Knows Your Name. It seems that after a recent battery change, the PC-interfacing doll began spouting death threats of “kill James” at the toddler, with seemingly no explanation as to how the new phrase entered his vocabulary. The situation came to a head when the boy’s mother heard her son repeating the twisted suggestion. Of course, what she didn’t hear was Elmo’s other threat: that he would “cut anyone who crossed [him] end-to-end with a Bowie knife,” and, “dine on their internal organs.” Fisher Price says it has a team of experts working on the case, and enough tranquilizer darts to put Elmo down, “For good.”

[Thanks, Jordan]

Read - Toddler’s Elmo Doll Makes Death Threats, Family Says
Read - Video of Elmo making death threats

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Filed under: GPS

Tired of prankster kids making off with baby Jesus year after year, Dina Cellini of Bal Harbour, Florida is having GPS installed in the doll, as well as the Joseph and Mary statues. “We may need to rely on technology to save our savior,” said Cellini. Last year they tried bolting down the figures, to no avail, and this year they’ll be augmenting the GPS with a Plexiglass screen. We’re saving all our good wise man jokes for tomorrow’s festivities, but feel free to toss your own into the comments.

[Via The Inquirer]

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