Jenna Jameson posed nude for a new PETA ad encouraging pet owners to get their animals fixed. Apparently, when we’re not around, our furry friends are sex-craved maniacs who constantly get their Discovery Channel on. This explains why my cat bought a jacuzzi… Anyway, here’s some advice from a porn star:

“Until dogs and cats can go on the pill or wear condoms, we need to help them practice safe sex—by spaying and neutering,” says Jenna. “Millions of homeless animals are turned in to shelters every year because there simply aren’t enough good homes for them all. The answer is as easy as ABC: Animal Birth Control, which means get your Fido or Fluffy fixed!”

I don’t think PETA thought Jenna’s ad through. Not only am I too tired from masturbating researching animal stuff to take my cat to the vet, but I’m pretty sure he’s not getting fed either. And, on that note, nap time.

NOTE: Included Olympic simmer Amanda Beard’s nude PETA ad because what can I say? I love animals. They make awesome friends or the perfect snack. Go for the gold, Amanda. U.S.A.!

Jenna Jameson is carrying a smaller version of Tito Ortiz in her uterus which brings her one baby closer to achieving her lifelong dream of becoming Angelina Jolie. Only five more to go along with a shitload of plastic surgery. You can do it! Page Six reports:

“She had a bunch of meetings and things planned for Fashion Week, including meetings for her own line, but she’s postponed everything,” said our source. “She’s completely thrilled, this is something she’s wanted for a very long time.”

My sources tell me the baby is really enjoying itself. Lots of room and someone crammed an entire entertainment center up there, so no complaints: “Though would it hurt to get some popcorn up in this joint? Wait, never mind. I just found Orville Redenbacher in the laundry room. Pop a squat, bro, but don’t get your feet on the couch.”

Jenna Jameson fancies herself as the next Angelina Jolie. Frankly, I’m surprised they’re not twin sisters. Who knew? Anyway, Jenna, who is way younger than her face and duck lips suggest, is ready to become a walking baby factory, according to Us Magazine:

“I think I’m gonna stay unmarried, and just go for the babies!” Jameson, 34, told Usmagazine.com at Maxim’s Hot 100 bash in L.A. Wednesday. “I’m following in Angelina’s footsteps! We’re trying for a baby, so hopefully in the next couple of months!”

Baby #1: Mommy, where did all your money come from?

Jenna Jameson: DAMMIT, CALL ME ANGELINA! Tito, your kid’s acting up again.

Tito Ortiz: Tito punch!

Oh yeah, this’ll go well.

Thanks to pioneers like Kim Kardashian, porn stars are now considered legitimate guests on The View. This trailblazing led to the most awkward, surreal, WTF interview I’ve ever seen when Jenna Jameson appeared on yesterday’s show (video after the jump). It’s almost like inviting a porn star over to your house to meet your mom, grandmom and your uptight Republican sister who’s head’s about to explode. OMG what if Jesus is watching? Fortunately, there’s the calm watchful eye of Whoopi Goldberg. She doesn’t say much, but you know she’ll throw them old bitches down if shit gets out of hand. I’ve seen Sister Act 1 AND 2. Trust me, you don’t fuck with the Whoop.

Let’s say you’re Aubrey O’Day (yellow dress) of Danity Kane. You’ve got a hit CD and a huge performance last night at Opera Nightclub in Hollywood. Who do you show up with? She figured “How do you lose with Jenna Jameson?” Makes sense in a retarded sort of way. Anyway, Aubrey was also recently hanging out with Kim Kardashian, so maybe she’s looking into adult films. If Jenna Jameson is, finally, passing the torch to Aubrey O’Day, tell the Elders of Porn they have my vote. *RAWR* Sorry, pal, I didn’t want to speak for all of us. Make that two votes - counting my wiener.

Jenna Jameson unveiled her new PETA ad which suggests, to save our furry brethren, you should “Pleather Yourself.” Okay… done. Now what? Take a nap? On it. Wow, I rule at this. Fear not, woodland creatures, I’ve got you covered. (No pun intended.) Zzzz….

Jenna Jameson attended the premiere of The Bucket List in L.A. Afterwards she hit up Club Hyde where she signed autographs for fans before heading home. That’s all well and good, but I can’t get over how sexy her legs are. Her tattoos blend right in with the varicose veins. It’s like something out of a dream where you’re making love to a decaying mummy. But the mummy has lots of makeup and breast implants, so it’s a really romantic dream that you can tell your girlfriend about over breakfast.

We ended yesterday with a set of fake knockers courtesy of Victoria Beckham, so why not start the day with another pair? That’s just smart journalism. This morning’s rack is courtesy of Jenna Jameson Queen of the Duck-people. I’m not saying she had a lot of collagen injected. I’m just saying I could probably set up patio furniture on her upper lip – and an above-ground pool.

Edit: Alright, alright, I may have gotten an estimate for a barbecue pit. It’ll fit nicely by the basketball court and helipad. Or should I put it next to the outdoor amphitheater?