Britney Spears surprised guests by showing up to the Generation Rescue autism fundraiser thrown by Jenny McCarthy. Nobody knows how or why Britney was there. Until they remembered Jim Carrey sprang for a custom burrito bar. Of course! At that point, everyone quietly nodded as if to say “If I see vulva, I’m throwing elbows all the way to the fire exit.” Us Magazine reports:

As guests like McCarthy’s beau and Charlie Sheen and wife Brooke Mueller made the rounds, Spears, 26, sipped on red wine.
Carrey’s daughter Jane also belted out a few Frank Sinatra and Jackson 5 tunes.
Spears, 26, “definitely looked happy,” a witness tells Usmagazine.com. “She was clapping and smiling a lot.”

What was Britney so happy about? Someone told her vaccinating your children is bad. Awesome! She doesn’t even know what that means! Finally, Britney’s parenting skills were paying off. Then she realized she left Sean in the car with the keys - but didn’t leave a $20 for the Wendy’s drive-thru. Sonofabitch. “This is exactly why banks should let toddlers have debit cards,” she thought while stuffing burritos in her bra.

Yesterday, all the hub-bub was Jim Carrey walking around in Jenny McCarthy’s bathing suit, and I didn’t think twice about it. But then, using my superior skills at investigative journalism, I discovered that Jenny McCarthy herself also wore the bathing suit during the day’s activities. (Checkmate, Chris Hansen!) One might say she’s MILF-esque with a side of “I’d probably still hit that.” I swear, it’s reporting like this that should get my face on a plaque. I’m thinking “World’s Best Internet Typer” or “Sexy Person Who Knows Words.” Yeah, that one.