My new favorite British monstrosity Jodie Marsh stopped by a radio show yesterday and sent out a request for sperm from any willing donor. You see, Jodie’s apparently a lesbian now but won’t let that stop her from trying to conceive. Because there’s nothing a child loves more than finding out its father is some dude with too much free time and a turkey baster. The Sun reports:

She recently admitting she’s started a relationship with hairdresser NINA.
Jodie said: “I’ve had loads of s**t men. I can see why women turn lesbian, because you get to the point where you’re sick of hearing so much f***ing bull***t, so you start to look elsewhere.”

Here’s the best part: Right after her nationwide request for man sauce, Jodie scooted off to a local Starbucks to promote the “Bring Your Own Mug” event to reduce waste. Yeah. So, to all my readers across the pond, you might want to order that latte with a shot of penicillin. Or you can dodge the pee-burning bullet altogether and get your Dunkin on. Do they even have those in England? If not, immediately start swimming west. I’ll save a glazed for you.

Jodie Marsh continued her silicon-fueled rampage through the English celebrity scene by attending soccer player Jermaine Defoe’s birthday party Sunday night. Wait, I didn’t know she did birthdays. She’d go perfect with my whiskey out of a brown bag at the strip club theme. Now, if only I could find Jodie in the Yellow Pages. Hmm… here we go: Right underneath “F” for “Funbags the Clown.”

NOTE: Third pic links to NSFW version that could be considered hot - if you’re oddly aroused by Frankenstein.

These are shots of British reality TV star Jodie Marsh at the premiere of Daylight Robbery. Jodie is apparently the scourge of the English celebrity scene and likes to show up at red carpet events in Spandex. Think Andy Dick but with gigantor boobs. That said, don’t tell me this isn’t Britney Spears in 10 years. I mean, just looking at that pouch, I’m convinced this actually is her sent back from the future to warn us about something. But what? Terminators? Global Warming? Heidi Montag? Tell us, Future Britney with Implants! I swear I’ll make eye contact - sort of.