While filming an episode of their TV show Keeping up with the Kardashians, the family all wore shirts encouraging Dancing with the Stars viewers to vote for Kim Kardashian who’s competing on the upcoming season. Shameless, sure, but what I’m more disappointed about is these people missed a huge advertising opportunity. I’m, of course, talking about the mountainous ledge above that could provide shade for an entire city. C’mon, does anyone really look at anything else when watching the Kardashian’s show? I mean, I just found out the other day Khloe has a face. Ha ha, who saw that coming?

While filming an episode of their TV show Keeping up with the Kardashians, the family all wore shirts encouraging Dancing with the Stars viewers to vote for Kim Kardashian who’s competing on the upcoming season. Shameless, sure, but what I’m more disappointed about is these people missed a huge advertising opportunity. I’m, of course, talking about the mountainous ledge above that could provide shade for an entire city. C’mon, does anyone really look at anything else when watching the Kardashian’s show? I mean, I just found out the other day Khloe has a face. Ha ha, who saw that coming?

While filming an episode of their TV show Keeping up with the Kardashians, the family all wore shirts encouraging Dancing with the Stars viewers to vote for Kim Kardashian who’s competing on the upcoming season. Shameless, sure, but what I’m more disappointed about is these people missed a huge advertising opportunity. I’m, of course, talking about the mountainous ledge above that could provide shade for an entire city. C’mon, does anyone really look at anything else when watching the Kardashian’s show? I mean, I just found out the other day Khloe has a face. Ha ha, who saw that coming?

Khloe Kardashian will compete on the upcoming season of Celebrity Apprentice. Can she prove herself useful? Or will someone have to explain to her that “Lady, O.J. Simpson’s money isn’t the answer to every problem. Just most of them.”? The New York Post reports;

NBC won’t confirm anything, but Kardashian, 23, is a go for the new season, sources say.
Joan and Melissa Rivers are also expected to compete on next season’s “Celebrity Apprentice.”
Flamboyant ex-NBA star Dennis Rodman, Tony Danza and Petra Nemcova have been floated as possible contestants.

For those of still scratching your head over Khloe’s inclusion, I should point out Donald Trump has always had a lifelong dream to see a Yeti try and make copies. True story.

Khloe Kardashian is now considered a receptacle for advice on drinking and driving after her three hour stint in jail. I’d say that qualifies her to dish out horribly vapid pearls of wisdom for recently arrested Shia LaBeouf which, oh, hey, that’s exactly what she did. Fantastic! Us Magazine reports:

“Just be smarter,” she told Usmagazine.com at the Annual Style L.A. Runway show benefitting the Facial Paralysis Foundation & Stop the Violence/Face the Music benefit.
“Think about your actions and get a driver!” the 24-year-old counseled. “It’s so much cheaper in the long run!”

“So much cheaper.” Interesting. How about, I dunno, nobody gets fucking killed? I mean, I guess that’s as important as saving a couple bucks. Then again, I don’t spend the majority of each day in a mansion with my sister trying to block the sun with our asses, so I could be wrong.

If Khloe Kardashian has a publicist, and we live in a cruel enough world for that to be true, he/she no doubt had a coronary after Khloe decided to talk to Ryan Seacrest about her excruciating three hours dealing with the legal system. Khloe cited the four year anniversary of the death her father, O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian, as the reason for her drinking that led to the DUI arrest. Only to say he’s still looking out for her and pulling heavenly strings to keep her out of jail. Ha ha ha I want these people to get the Ebola virus. E! News reports:

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here.’ And I’m like, ‘Ugh, I don’t need any more problems.’ And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’
“But because of all these things, it’s a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison.”
That, and, the correctional facility would no doubt like it pointed out, because of the perpetual overcrowding of the jail system. Still, Kardashian’s brief sojourn to the pokey paid off in sheer lessons learned.
“Honestly, I would never do it again…It’s just not worth it…It’s so much time.”

It’s so much time? THREE FUCKING HOURS?! Seriously, you sat and watched Batman which was just 30 minutes shy of the time you spent in jail. It’s moments like this I wish elephant hunting wasn’t illegal. Then again the odds of me going to jail are apparently slim. Somebody fetch my rifle and ivory saw. I don’t see any tusks in this photograph, but that could be from all the jowl.

UPDATE: TMZ just pissed in Khloe’s corn flakes: She cites the anniversary of her father’s death as the reason for her DUI when arrested on March 4. Except Robert Kardashian died on September 30. FTW? I almost felt bad about equating Khloe with a pachyderm. Now I wish I went with sperm whale. Next time, Khloe. Next time…

If Khloe Kardashian has a publicist, and we live in a cruel enough world for that to be true, he/she no doubt had a coronary after Khloe decided to talk to Ryan Seacrest about her excruciating three hours dealing with the legal system. Khloe cited the four year anniversary of the death her father, O.J. Simpson lawyer Robert Kardashian, as the reason for her drinking that led to the DUI arrest. Only to say he’s still looking out for her and pulling heavenly strings to keep her out of jail. Ha ha ha I want these people to get the Ebola virus. E! News reports:

“As soon as I got to Lynwood, there were three bomb threats…The warden came down to talk to me, and he was saying, ‘You’re the one causing all the problems here.’ And I’m like, ‘Ugh, I don’t need any more problems.’ And he’s like, ‘There’s all these bomb threats, and we’re thinking it’s for you.’
“But because of all these things, it’s a blessing, and I was actually released early because I was a threat to the prison.”
That, and, the correctional facility would no doubt like it pointed out, because of the perpetual overcrowding of the jail system. Still, Kardashian’s brief sojourn to the pokey paid off in sheer lessons learned.
“Honestly, I would never do it again…It’s just not worth it…It’s so much time.”

It’s so much time? THREE FUCKING HOURS?! Seriously, you sat and watched Batman which was just 30 minutes shy of the time you spent in jail. It’s moments like this I wish elephant hunting wasn’t illegal. Then again the odds of me going to jail are apparently slim. Somebody fetch my rifle and ivory saw. I don’t see any tusks in this photograph, but that could be from all the jowl.

Khloe Kardashian checked out The Dark Knight at The Grove Saturday and enjoyed the general bliss that comes from ducking 30 days in jail for DUI. I can tell by the remorseful look on her face, Khloe’s learned a lesson: Kardashians make the law their bitch. Well, I’ll show them. I’m going to get blitzed off my face then drive around their neighborhood. Yeah, this plan is genius. *starts chugging*

UPDATE: Dude, Geekologist, I’m telling you this plan will totally teach these people a lesson. What people? I dunno, somebody. I wrote it down on a napkin. Huh? I didn’t puke on my shirt. You puked on your shirt. At your mom’s house - with Chevy Chase riding a lawnmower. BURN!

UPDATE: Yum yum yummy I’ve got Jager in my tummy, yum yum I’m feeling like nachos.

UPDATE: Stop the press, who is that? This, this tree of a woman. A mighty red oak of breasts and timber thighs. I would totally hit tha- SHIT NUTS! I looked at her face. *shakes head* Hey, I’m absolutely 100% sober. How’d that happen? And why is there a tongue print on my monitor in front of Khloe Kardashian? As God as my witness, I am never drinking again.

UPDATE: Wait, I’m an atheist. To the Beer Cave! *crawls under desk*

Khloe Kardashian reported to the Van Nuys Courthouse to begin serving her jail sentence for violating a probation agreement from her 2007 DUI. And, aww, look, she brought the whole family. Because getting O.J. off the hook wasn’t a big enough mockery of the legal system for the Kardashians.

At any rate, let’s start taking bids on when she gets out. Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan both served just north of 80 minutes, but Khloe’s not exactly that caliber of celebrity. However, she does require those giant space cuffs used on Chewbacca in Star Wars, so it’s anyone’s guess really.

EDIT: Added Kim on Jimmy Kimmel last night talking about Khloe’s legal predicament after the jump. Thanks to JMack. You’re a freakin’ knight.

UPDATE: Khloe’s out! Time served: 173 minutes, according to TMZ, which means she’s almost exactly 50% less popular than Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan while still 50% taller than most women, Sasquatches and NBA guards.

Khloe Kardashian reported to the Van Nuys Courthouse to begin serving her jail sentence for violating a probation agreement from her 2007 DUI. And, aww, look, she brought the whole family. Because getting O.J. off the hook wasn’t a big enough mockery of the legal system for the Kardashians.

At any rate, let’s start taking bids on when she gets out. Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan both served just north of 80 minutes, but Khloe’s not exactly that caliber of celebrity. However, she does require those giant space cuffs used on Chewbacca in Star Wars, so it’s anyone’s guess really.

EDIT: Added Kim on Jimmy Kimmel last night talking about Khloe’s legal predicament after the jump. Thanks to JMack. You’re a freakin’ knight.

Khloe Kardashian (Swamp Thing above who really shouldn’t be photographed next to Kourtney) apparently was picked up for DUI last year but managed to keep it out of the press. That is until she decided not to do any of her community service or enroll in alcohol education classes. Wow, that plan had everything. Khloe’s stupidity has landed her three days in jail starting no later than Friday and, not surprisingly, she couldn’t care less. People reports:

Over the weekend, Kardashian showed no obvious signs of worry about her upcoming jail term, as she attended a party at the Project Beach House in Malibu with her mother and sister Kourtney.
“Khloe actually looked great, really relaxed and having a good time,” says a partygoer at Sunday’s Lia Sophia Clambake. “[She] didn’t look like she had a care in the world and even got a massage.”

All Khloe had to do was pick up some trash along the highway and watch a video about the dangers of drunk driving. Of course, that’d probably be harder than the five minutes she’ll spend in jail. Provided she even makes it that far. Khloe’s sentence was already reduced from 30 days to three days within a matter of hours, so I imagine by tomorrow she’ll get a Bath & Body Works gift basket from the sheriff’s department with a note reading: “You be a good girl now.” If I actually paid my taxes, this is the sort of thing that would cause me to drink - then inevitably drive because, shit, they’re giving out hand soap!

Kim Kardashian revealed on this weekend’s episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians that she has cellulite treatment done on her planet-sized posterior. I’m just as shocked as you are. But for those of you wanting an up-close look at Kim’s ass, definitely scope out the video after the jump of her full-on butt-sanding. If this episode doesn’t win an Emmy, there is no God. Okay, maybe there is and he’s a jerk that hates fat chicks. I dunno, I’m not a priest - yet. I’m applying online to be one right now actually. Okay, here’s the final question: “Can you make shit up?” Hell yeah I can! *clicks ‘Yes’* Boom! I’m an ordained minister! Kickass! Anyone got a baby I can baptize? We’ll have to use my garden hose, but don’t worry, I’ll bless it first.

Kim Kardashian and her sister Khloe continued their Amazonian assault on fashion by stopping by the Jimmy Choo Launch Event today in Australia. Hopefully these photos will restore your eyesight after the Amy Winehouse post. My peepers healed so much I actually grew a third one. No, wait, that’s a zit. I really need to stop cleaning my face with a Whopper. Holy shit, I think it blinked. Somebody tell The Geekologie Writer to meet me in the bathroom. STAT! Oh, and also tell him I don’t need the Hooker Disintegration Ray this time. But keep it primed and set on “Whoops! Forgot you were in the trunk.”

Kim Kardashian (looking unusually hot) and her sister Khloe are currently down under scoping out Australian Fashion Week. But, just last week, the two came to blows over Kim’s new Bentley. Aww, now that’s relatable. Anyway, the fisticuffs showed up on the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians (video after the jump). So, when I say these two rumbled, I mean, literally, the ground shook. Khloe is one solid woman. She could probably give Brooke Hogan a run for her money. Then afterwards they’d swap tips on shaving their testicles. BFFs with balls 4 life!