Kourtney Kardashian, the oldest sister who doesn’t maintain a steady diet of an entire yak, flashed her panties yesterday while having lunch with her boyfriend in New York City. While these pictures look conclusive, I know this families propensity for bullshit. That’s a stunt crotch. Trust me, I’ve seen numerous female nether-regions in my day (Read: 1.5), and this one’s a fake. I bet it’s made of chicken wire and silly putty just like E.T. If you start seeing little kid take flight on their bikes, don’t be surprised. Also, call me so I can bust out my BMX. Whee!

Khloe Kardashian reported to the Van Nuys Courthouse to begin serving her jail sentence for violating a probation agreement from her 2007 DUI. And, aww, look, she brought the whole family. Because getting O.J. off the hook wasn’t a big enough mockery of the legal system for the Kardashians.

At any rate, let’s start taking bids on when she gets out. Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan both served just north of 80 minutes, but Khloe’s not exactly that caliber of celebrity. However, she does require those giant space cuffs used on Chewbacca in Star Wars, so it’s anyone’s guess really.

EDIT: Added Kim on Jimmy Kimmel last night talking about Khloe’s legal predicament after the jump. Thanks to JMack. You’re a freakin’ knight.

UPDATE: Khloe’s out! Time served: 173 minutes, according to TMZ, which means she’s almost exactly 50% less popular than Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan while still 50% taller than most women, Sasquatches and NBA guards.

Khloe Kardashian reported to the Van Nuys Courthouse to begin serving her jail sentence for violating a probation agreement from her 2007 DUI. And, aww, look, she brought the whole family. Because getting O.J. off the hook wasn’t a big enough mockery of the legal system for the Kardashians.

At any rate, let’s start taking bids on when she gets out. Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan both served just north of 80 minutes, but Khloe’s not exactly that caliber of celebrity. However, she does require those giant space cuffs used on Chewbacca in Star Wars, so it’s anyone’s guess really.

EDIT: Added Kim on Jimmy Kimmel last night talking about Khloe’s legal predicament after the jump. Thanks to JMack. You’re a freakin’ knight.

Khloe Kardashian (Swamp Thing above who really shouldn’t be photographed next to Kourtney) apparently was picked up for DUI last year but managed to keep it out of the press. That is until she decided not to do any of her community service or enroll in alcohol education classes. Wow, that plan had everything. Khloe’s stupidity has landed her three days in jail starting no later than Friday and, not surprisingly, she couldn’t care less. People reports:

Over the weekend, Kardashian showed no obvious signs of worry about her upcoming jail term, as she attended a party at the Project Beach House in Malibu with her mother and sister Kourtney.
“Khloe actually looked great, really relaxed and having a good time,” says a partygoer at Sunday’s Lia Sophia Clambake. “[She] didn’t look like she had a care in the world and even got a massage.”

All Khloe had to do was pick up some trash along the highway and watch a video about the dangers of drunk driving. Of course, that’d probably be harder than the five minutes she’ll spend in jail. Provided she even makes it that far. Khloe’s sentence was already reduced from 30 days to three days within a matter of hours, so I imagine by tomorrow she’ll get a Bath & Body Works gift basket from the sheriff’s department with a note reading: “You be a good girl now.” If I actually paid my taxes, this is the sort of thing that would cause me to drink - then inevitably drive because, shit, they’re giving out hand soap!

Kim Kardashian and her sister Kourtney did some bikini modeling this morning in Monaco. And, yes, you’re actually looking at Kim’s ass not covered by a sarong. Some might say these shots put an end to the buttpad debate, but I say “Not fucking quite.” They only add to a new debate on extremely long distance photography and, what I’m suggesting is, choreographed butt-flexing. Touché, Kim Kardashian. Touché.

Kim Kardashian recently updated her blog with bikini pics of herself and sister Kourtney. If I didn’t write this site, I’d say that makes Kim Kardashian’s blog the most goddamn awesome blog on the Internet*. I’m also not saying it because I’m baffled by Kim’s impromptu shower with a sarong around her waist. What kind of wicked secret is she hiding under that thing? Wait, I got it! LEGOs. Boom! Case closed. Now to solve the mystery of how drunk I’m going to get. (Hint: Lots.)

*Not counting Bob Cesca’s Goddamn Awesome Blog which, with a title like that, I gotta ask: Where’re the boobs, Bob? Where - are the boobs?

Kim Kardashian recently updated her blog with bikini pics of herself and sister Kourtney. If I didn’t write this site, I’d say that makes Kim Kardashian’s blog the most goddamn awesome blog on the Internet*. I’m also not saying it because I’m baffled by Kim’s impromptu shower with a sarong around her waist. What kind of wicked secret is she hiding under that thing? Wait, I got it! LEGOs. Boom! Case closed. Now to solve the mystery of how drunk I’m going to get. (Hint: Lots.)

UPDATE: Added the seriously, like for real Kardashian sisters’ PSA for Burma after the jump. Nothing like the irony of Armenians making light of a national tragedy. HA! You can’t make that shit up. Anyway, enjoy the video before YouTube pulls it again.

*Not counting Bob Cesca’s Goddamn Awesome Blog which, with a title like that, I gotta ask: Where’re the boobs, Bob? Where - are the boobs?

Kim Kardashian revealed on this weekend’s episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians that she has cellulite treatment done on her planet-sized posterior. I’m just as shocked as you are. But for those of you wanting an up-close look at Kim’s ass, definitely scope out the video after the jump of her full-on butt-sanding. If this episode doesn’t win an Emmy, there is no God. Okay, maybe there is and he’s a jerk that hates fat chicks. I dunno, I’m not a priest - yet. I’m applying online to be one right now actually. Okay, here’s the final question: “Can you make shit up?” Hell yeah I can! *clicks ‘Yes’* Boom! I’m an ordained minister! Kickass! Anyone got a baby I can baptize? We’ll have to use my garden hose, but don’t worry, I’ll bless it first.

In case you couldn’t tell, it’s Bikini Day on The Superficial. Our next contestant is Kim Kardashian’s older sister Kourtney who was spotted at South Beach yesterday with her boyfriend Guy That Should Be Me. Well, at least I thought it should be me until I foolishly stopped looking at her chest. I caught a glimpse at Kourtney’s chipmunk teeth, and I think my penis just screamed a little.