Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong’s relationship might have just ended, but that doesn’t mean she can’t immediately screw her ex-husband. Kate was spotted yesterday in New Jersey at Chris Robinson’s apartment presumably to make sure she got her daily dose of doing it. I think I’m starting to love this woman. OK! Magazine reports:

“They were really affectionate with each other and gave each other a kiss which lasted much longer then a platonic kiss should last — 20 seconds, maybe a little longer.
“Without going into all the details the kiss was more than just friends. They seemed like something more going on and were very affectionate with each other.”
A pal of Kate’s tells OK!, “She and Chris have always been close and she turns to her exes after most of her breakups.”

I bet Chris Robinson religiously follow Kate’s love life in the tabloids: “Oh, snap, she just got dumped again! Time to break out the Marvin Gaye and penis wax. Chris Robinson’s getting laaaaaaaaaaiiiid!” Somewhere, Chris just read this and wonders if I’ve bugged his house because, holy shit, was that quote accurate.

Bad news everybody: Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong have broken up. Who saw that coming? Besides Kate Hudson and her unwavering love of new penis. It turns out the two couldn’t stop arguing and finally decided to throw in the towel, according to Page Six:

Hudson made a last-ditch effort last week, traveling to see her beau in Ohio for his Livestrong Summit, but “they both decided it wasn’t feasible,” a friend said. Another spy said the couple had a big blowout a week ago and Armstrong stormed off - “They didn’t talk for like five days.”

It must be hard to have an argument with a guy who rides his bicycle in the kitchen while eating breakfast. Sure, you can yell all you want about him taking “that thing everywhere” including the bathroom, but he’s just gonna pop a wheelie in your face then go back to his Wheaties. Some might say I’m perpetuating a horrible stereotype that all cyclists are dicks, but until I see concrete data that suggests otherwise, I’m still throwing stray cats at them from my car window: “Quit blocking the lane! Aim true, Fluffy.” REOWW!

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong had dinner yesterday with Kate’s mom Goldie Hawn which must’ve made Owen Wilson all kinds of jealous. He never got to meet Goldie! This blows. Why is everyone always walking out on him? Fortunately, there’s always good, old reliable heroi- Hey! Mr. Syringe, why’re you putting on your top hat and monocle? “Sorry, Owen, but I think we should see other people.” Awwwww.

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong were caught leaving his Manhattan apartment yesterday. I think the look on Kate’s face says it all: “Could’ve used more testicle.”

Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are taking their relationship public and were spotted in Monaco enjoying a day of aquatic romance. I like to believe that after their boat ride, Lance put his arm around Kate and softly whispered in her ear, “Kate, when we have sex later, I should probably warn you I’m missing a nut. End transmission.” *sniff* He’s a keeper.

Kate Hudson is wasting no time getting over Owen Wilson and has moved on to champion cyclist Lance Armstrong. I guess the only way for me to touch that butt is to stop using training wheels. But what if I get an ouchie?! Us Magazine reports:

The new couple went on a cozy dinner date at Chuy’s Hula Hut in Austin, Texas, according to a source. On Saturday night, the pair joined a group of six, including two women and four children.
“They seemed like they were having a great time,” a fellow diner tells Usmagazine.com.

While this news proves that Kate Hudson has a healthy love of the penis (Say, has she met John Mayer?), it is admittedly kind of dull. So, I added some bikini pics of Kate from an old post to spice things up. I swear, you guys must read this site and think you’re on C-SPAN - but with more journalistic integrity than you can shake a boob at.

Lance Armstrong’s daughter brought his new girlfriend Ashley Olsen to school for show and tell. Usually kids bring in things like rocks, frogs or their dad’s porn collection. But his girlfriend? I dunno. Radar reports:

One of the part-eunuch biker’s young daughters (he has twins) had the honor of taking a more realistic (though slightly less boobtastic) Barbie to her class for observation. Yes, daddy’s lady love Ashley Olsen was recently shown and told about at the young girl’s Texas school.
“Celebrities do this all the time,” the source said.

Wow, I learned a lot from that article. Especially about Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle and Ashley Olsen’s small boobs. These two will make a great couple, you know, because they lack the necessary body parts to have sex. Which is good. Saves them from an evening of disappointment, crying and, I’ll assume based on Ashley’s outfit, archeology. Or cattle herding. I can’t decide, but I do know it will involve scarfs.

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were spotted at the Rose Bar in New York Monday night. The two seemed to be really enjoying each other’s company, according to Page Six:

Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.”

Lance, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know what it’s like to keep your body at peak physical shape. Like a well-tuned machine. You push yourself to the limit everyday. And sometimes you just need to relax. Whether that entails taking in a movie, drinking a fine glass of wine or having sex with an anorexic Muppet is your decision. In the meantime, since you bagged yourself an Olsen twin, the Sesame Street people keep calling. They want Kermit back.

Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong were spotted at the Rose Bar in New York Monday night. The two seemed to be really enjoying each other’s company, according to Page Six:

Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.”

Lance, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I know what it’s like to keep your body at peak physical shape. Like a well-tuned machine. You push yourself to the limit everyday. And sometimes you just need to relax. Whether that entails taking in a movie, drinking a fine glass of wine or having sex with an anorexic Muppet is your decision. In the meantime, since you bagged yourself an Olsen twin, the Sesame Street people keep calling. They want Kermit back.