Here’s Linda Hogan at LAX today with her man-child lover Charley Hill. I love how she’s carrying his skateboard through the terminal as if to say “Sure, I bang kids straight out of high school, but I’m a still a mom.” On that note, I hope Linda remembered to pack his GameBoy and juice box, or she’s going to have an unhappy camper on her hands. (Double entendre NOT intended I’m throwing up in my mouth now.)

UPDATE: Make that the keyboard u0916u9jmkl;m;l,/;;;;-0pk[’

These are pics of Linda Hogan and her boyfriend Charley Hill arriving at LAX today, and I gotta say, Nick Hogan is one lucky bastard. It must be unbelievably awesome to be 18, getting out of jail, and seeing pics of your 51-year-old mother dating a 19-year-old kid you went to school with. And look he even brought his skateboard! Dude, your mom is totally getting dry-humped at the skate park. HEEEELL YEAH!

Linda Hogan visited Pinellas County Prison yesterday for her son Nick’s 18th birthday. Knowing the TV cameras would be there, Linda brought a gift: A skateboard from, I’m assuming, the nearest Wal-Mart. Really? Wow. Because, ignoring the fact Nick’s legally a man and these people are loaded, he’s sort of in jail where blunt wheeled objects are frowned upon. Though, to Linda’s credit, at least she abandoned her initial gift idea of a puppy with a handgun.

Brooke Hogan really hates her mom. A months-old legal document leaked today that alleges Hulk was physically and verbally abusive to his wife Linda. Brooke signed the statement, but now regrets doing so after she “learned all the facts.” She says her mother pressured into signing the agreement, according to People:

Brooke’s rep says: “Brooke Bollea is distressed at the latest efforts by mother Linda to fracture the family. This time they let leak out an old document that Brooke signed filled with exaggerations and fabrications about father Terry’s behavior during the marriage. The months-old document was signed by Brooke at a time when she was upset with her father.”

Brooke is seriously grossed out by her mom’s 19-year-old boyfriend and the two are not on speaking terms. And to drive that home, Brooke then threw her mom under the bus:

“I love my mother, and hope to one day reconcile with her,” Brooke says. “But using kids as pawns in a divorce is awful. Every day my mother resorts to this kind of behavior makes it that much harder for us to ever have a relationship again.”

You know who I want to throw under a bus? The entire Hogan family. Also, I want the bus to constantly spray napalm, lemon juice and really pissed off wolverines. Just like the one I rode to school everyday until my parents realized, “Wait, school buses don’t play Iron Maiden and get driven by a guy in a bear costume.” Of course, by that time I was in college…

Hulk Hogan revealed to People that he still unconditionally loves his ex-wife Linda - even though she filed for divorce and currently has a 19-year-old kid ensnared in her leather vagina. But Hulk still keeps that torch burning and blames the reality for amplifying their problems. In the meantime, he’s been able to fix his relationship with Brooke:

Hogan says his relationship with Brooke, 20, “was strained for a while” after Brooke learned that Hogan had a brief fling with one of her close friends, a woman in her 30s. “Brooke has gone through a range of emotions,” Hogan says. “She was a little confused about who everybody was, and maybe had misinformation, but right now Brooke understands who I am, and who her mom is, and what’s real and not real. She’s doing real well now.”

Smart thinking, Hulk. You can’t have Linda, so you’ve moved on to her clone Brooke. Sure, her skin lacks the texture of beef jerky, but you didn’t build the world’s largest tanning bed for nothing. It may have taken years and they all laughed at you, but soon you’ll be having burnt crispy sex faster than you can say “We’re moving to Arkansas, brotha!”

Hulk Hogan is really regretting that deal with Satan to get his own reality show. After looking like a jackass on Larry King Live, Hulk’s ex-wife Linda is now trying to get him thrown in jail for not paying for half of their Las Vegas condo per their divorce settlement, according to the Orlando Sentinel:

The estranged wife of former wrestler Hulk Hogan has asked a judge to cite him for allegedly not paying his share of a $4.2 million Las Vegas condo.
Linda Bollea wants Hogan, whose real name is Terry Bollea, to be held in contempt and jailed. A court order requires them to share the purchase of the condo at The Palms hotel and spa.

Oh, those wacky Hogans. I bet these people spend Christmas morning stabbing each other with used drug needles. Then it’s off to the tanning salon for a quiet afternoon of bleach, egg nog and widespread melanoma. Fa la la la!

Brooke Hogan (above with boyfriend Whitey WhitePants) has confirmed that her mom Linda is dating 19-year-old Charley Hill. Hulk also confirmed it on Larry King Live. In a surprise moment of sanity from the Peroxide Bunch, Brooke is really not that thrilled with the news. Especially since she went to school with Charley. These people are amazing. E! Online reports:

“I’m totally freaked out,” she told E! satellite radio personality Michael Yo during a conversation the two had off air.
“I personally don’t like it at all or condone it, but she’s my mom, so I have to show her support.
“I went to school with him. He was a grade under me…Me and Nick know him well. Me and Nick are two years apart, and he was right between us (in school).”

While Linda’s new boyfriend is a disturbing series of events to complement Hulk dating a chick that looks like Brooke, it’s still not the weirdest thing to happen to her. She’ll always remember the time Andre the Giant buried a body under her swingset when she was five. Then she found her birth certificate which, for some reason, listed Frank Arnold Hogan as the name. This explained the penis…

Linda Hogan decided to one-up the Hulk by dating someone who not only looks like her child - but is practically the same age. In your face, brotha! Linda brought her suitor, 19-year-old Charlie, to the opening of the Palm Place Spa & Hotel where the Simpsons were also partying. Apparently, it was “Dysfunctional Celebrity Families Teetering towards Irrelevancy Night.” TMZ reports:

Charlie told us they are just friends — because friends are typically all over each other at the Palms.
Of course classy Linda made sure Charlie-poo had a drink.

Charlie does sort of look like a long-haired Nick Hogan. If you close your eyes and pretend, which Linda is all over. That said, I wonder if it’s awkward when she comes to visit Charlie at his house. You know, because his mom makes him keep the bedroom door open. Which, as a mother, Linda agrees with but doesn’t think that’s an excuse not to dry hump oh God I puked in my mouth. Napkin!

Video of Linda and Charlie grinding at the Palms after the jump.

The lawsuit everyone knew was coming was filed yesterday. The Hogans are being sued by the family of John Graziano the young Marine who remains in a coma after being injured in a car crash. John was riding in the the Toyota Supra that Nick Hogan managed to turn into a crushed banana with the help of a tree. And, also, oh I dunno, some booze. The St. Petersburg Times reports:

The suit will seek damages in the millions, said attorney George Tragos, but the exact amount is not known because it remains unclear how expensive Graziano’s care will be. Tragos said the former Marine’s medical bills already exceed $1 million.

Just how injured is John Graziano? Let’s say it’s somewhere between super fucked up and Jesus Christ, they took part of your brain!:

Lawyers today said that a portion of Graziano’s frontal lobe had to be removed because of the crash. He is in a “semi-conscious” state and responds to certain stimuli like heat and touch, lawyers said.

The suit is definitely pointing out well-known facts that Linda Hogan encouraged her son Nick’s reckless driving. And that Hulk also owned the other car that Nick was racing with before he crashed. The driver of that car is also named in the suit. Coincidentally, lawyers also filed a motion that Brooke Hogan should wash my car in a bikini. Or at least they will if they know what’s good for them. *waves donut threateningly* That’s right, son, jelly: The deadliest of the donu - wait, my bad. It’s only peanut butter. Goddammit…

The family of Nick Hogan crash victim John Graziano wants the Hogans to stay the fuck away from the hospital. They believe their latest visit, which didn’t include the Hulk just Linda and the kids, was all for show. The St. Petersburg Times reports:

That’s because the trio went to the hospital on Valentine’s Day with gifts, and images of their arrival showed up on celebrity news Web sites, the Graziano family’s attorneys said Wednesday.
“We believe that it was a total (public relations) stunt,” said attorney Kimberley Kohn.

Damn, how did I miss those? Anyway, the Hogans are doing a bang-up job handling this situation. Whether it’s blaming the victim for not wearing a seat belt or staging photo ops, these people are all over it. Honestly, there’s not a goddamn thing that’s real about them. Except for Brooke’s man chin. Which is all too real and can cut through a diamond. Or so the legend goes…

Thanks to David for the pics who can grow a thicker moustache than the Hulk - with his mind!

Apparently Brooke Hogan’s friend Christiane Plante slept with Hulk Hogan while he was separated from Linda. Christiane came clean to the National Enquirer - for a chunk of change. Brooke is none too happy about it and vented her feelings on her MySpace blog, according to Page Six:

“I think she shoulda thought about what kinda press she was gonna get when she slept with her best friend’s famous father . . . I think we’re all seeing just exactly how karma works Christiane. Nothing you say will ever put my family back together.”

Here’s what Christiane said to the National Enquirer about her fling with the Hulkster:

“My relationship with Terry [Bollea, Hogan’s real name] began at a time when Terry and Linda privately knew their marriage was ending. She had left him already, although no official papers had been filed,” Plante said. “Terry is a good man, good father and a good friend, and he and I grew close at a time when he was going through a very difficult period. It seemed right then, but I know it was wrong.
“Having felt the guilt and pain build up, I gave a note to Brooke apologizing for my actions,” Plante added. “I will never be able to fully forgive myself for this. I have lost an amazing friend.”

Neither Brooke’s entry nor Christiane’s Enquirer story are online anymore so somebody’s lawyers had a field day with this news. I’m pretty sure the Hulk banged this Christiane chick. Mostly because he’s awesome, but also because he got tired of doing a female version of himself. Which is unfortunate because any guy that dates Brooke will have to do a lady Hulk as well. I mean, seriously, I just now noticed the chin. It took me a while on account of the boobies, but I persevered for the sake of journalistic integrity. Eat it, Bob Woodward.

Linda Hogan is taking some time to reflect on her life while she battles Hulk Hogan in court over the details of their divorce. She’s seen here on the beach reading “Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life” which is pretty hypocritical for a woman who looks like East German Barbie but with implants. And also used to be named Klaus.

Hulk Hogan is contesting his wife Linda Bollea’s request for alimony and states in a court filing that she can support herself and son Nick. That’s if Nick even wants to stay with his mom. The Herald Tribune reports:

Hogan’s petition, filed Wednesday under his real name of Terry Bollea, also says their son Nick, who is 17 and no longer a student, is old enough to decide which parent he wants to live with.
Hogan wants the couple’s assets and liabilities equitably distributed. He intends to continue the family’s health insurance coverage, the petition states.

Basically, what Hulk is saying is, “We’ll split our shit then you and your grotesquely large boobs are on your own.” That’s fair but firm. If I were the Hulk, I would have gone for a slightly different approach; namely keeping all my money then petitioning the judge for a scissor-kick to my wife’s face. It’s fair but full of face kicking, so everyone’s a winner. And by everyone, I mean me and my moustache comb made of gold.

Linda Bollea, the wife of wrestler Hulk Hogan, is seeking half of the couple’s assets after filing for divorce last week. She also wants an unspecified amount in alimony and health insurance for their son Nick Bollea, according to People:

Linda is seeking to split the couple’s assets, which include the 17,000-square-foot Bel Air mansion where the family primarily lives and a 3,474-square-foot home in Clearwater Beach, Fla., as well as a condo under construction in Las Vegas. The two existing homes alone are worth nearly $9.5 million.

Linda has an obsession with houses which a source for Page Six says caused rifts in her marriage to the Hulkster:

“She just goes nuts and acts like Hulk has Tom Cruise money - when he doesn’t. She wanted to buy a $12 million house in LA, and when Hulk refused, she went ahead and rented a $35,000-a-month house. They already have four to five houses and she wants more?”

This is exactly why I’ll never get married. I don’t want some woman spending my hard-earned cash. I like things the way they are now. Where my girlfriend pays the rent and I steal money out of her purse to get drunk at the strip club while “looking for a job.” It’s an honest living. I don’t like to brag about it too much except to a couple/all of my guy friends, my parents and one time to my girlfriend. Wait, that’s why she put my Xbox in the oven. And here I thought the shoe store didn’t have her size or something. I dunno, I tend to drift in and out of consciousness whenever she talks. You know, because she completes me and had me at “hello” and [other romantic lines from Jerry Maguire here].

News spread over the weekend that Hulk Hogan’s wife Linda Bollea filed for divorce on Tuesday. Unfortunately, when reporters asked the Hulk (real name: Terry Bollea) about it on Friday, he was sadly unaware. The St. Petersburg Times reports:

Reached by phone on Friday night, Terry Bollea said he had no idea his wife had filed for divorce. When informed during the call that the paperwork was submitted on Tuesday, Bollea said politely, “Thank you for the great information,” and hung up.
He called back about five minutes later.

“I’m kind of shocked,” he said. “You caught me off-guard. My wife has been in California for about three weeks. … Holy smokes. Wow, you just knocked the bottom out of me. … I just pulled over to the side of the road for five minutes to find out what was going on here.”

Obviously no reason was given for the divorce, but this bit of info on the “Hogan Knows Best” Web site might shed light on some potential tension:

“Linda also encourages her son Nick’s love of cars,” the Web site says. “When Nick was thirteen, Linda bought him a car to keep in the garage just to work on, now Nick is quite the car expert.”
On Nov. 7, Nick Bollea was arrested in connection with the Aug. 26 crash. Police say he was racing his Toyota Supra moments before the crash.

Ah, so the mom’s to blame for the drag racing. Beautiful. I love blaming women for things. Gasoline prices. Cancer. You name it. I mean, take for example the latest Malibu brushfires. Tragic stuff but notice how the first one started a month ago. Right around the time a certain young woman got out of rehab. A certain young woman with a certain crotch made of fire. Are you connecting the dots? If not, I drew up a whole bunch of diagrams I can show you. I’ve sort of had a lot of free time on my hands ever since I blamed my girlfriend for the JFK assassination. Perhaps it was a bit too early in the relationship for that kind of honesty. I’ve got to remember the first date is for drunken irresponsible sex and the second date is when you hurl crackpot accusations. Not one just seconds after the other. No matter how awesome and romantic it might seem in my head.