Megan Fox attended the LA premiere of Shia LaBeouf’s new movie Eagle Eye last night. I thought I’d offer these pics as a comparison piece to yesterday’s post featuring a Photoshopped Megan Fox in a bikini. So what do you think, is she still hot? I guess I’d have sex with her. Maybe. It all depends on if we could connect on a spiritual level, you know? Hold on, my editor is telling me I’m confusing “spiritual level” with “a Denny’s restroom.” That’s embarrassing.

Megan Fox is featured in the latest issue of GQ and why the hell am I even typing? Here’s a story Megan told during her interview about how, at 18, she dated a female stripper named Nikita. For the five people who will actually look at the text:

“Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided — oh man, sorry, mommy! — that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop,” said Fox. “I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita.”
Fox said Nikita would do “these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads.” The actress also said she would bring the Russian stripper gifts and try to inspire her to quit her line of work.

Jesus. If Megan Fox can’t get a stripper off the pole with gifts, there’s no hope for the rest of us. Great, now what am I supposed to do with these pots and pans I bought for “Phoenix” down at the Crazy Horse? And before you judge me, I originally tried luring her in with promises of an ironing board, but I ran out of dollar bills before we hit the porch and she ran off.

Megan Fox received explicit instructions from director Michael Bay before filming Transformers: Rise of the Fallen: “Fatten up, twiggy.” Okay, maybe those weren’t his exact words. He probably just crashed a car into airplane in slow motion and hoped she got the message. FOX News reports:

“I should have toned up for ‘Transformers’ but I’m really lazy. I had to put on weight,” she told Pop Tarts. “I’d lost a lot of weight and got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on size for ‘Transformers’ because Michael [Bay, the director] doesn’t like skinny girls.”

While Michael Bay essentially put Megan on the map by making her erotically open the hood of a car/robot, she told the Daily Star she’d rather do more arty films. Preferably in the nude. Oh yeah, you just read that:

“I would love to do a movie naked – it would be beautiful. No one dares make that kind of film today. They did it in the 1930s in an arty way, so why not now?”

Um, I believe there’s a word for “that kind of film.” It’s called porn. That said, Megan Fox should be allowed to follow her heart and live her dreams and whatever else needs to be said to get this thing done. What can I say? I support the arts.

Megan Fox is single. I should just quit right now because I’ll never report anything than can top this slice of awesome. (Unless Hayden Panettiere decides she hates clothes but loves bloggers.) Anyway, according to the latest issue of Star, Megan has called off her engagement to Brian Austin Green because she’s too young for a commitment:

Sources claim the 22 year-old sent business associates correspondence last week telling them the sad news.
An insider says: “Megan still cares about Brian, but she now realizes she’s too young to marry him.”

True, Megan does have her whole life ahead of her. But I like to believe she woke up one morning, looked beside her then immediately panicked: “Where am I? Brian Austin Green!? Eww! EWW!” Brian, realizing the jig was up, tried to neutralize the situation: “Shh. Shh. You’re okay. Can I interest you in a mixed drink?” When that didn’t work, he frantically phoned Ian Ziering: “Dude, she’s onto us. I dunno how, but we’re toast. Call Priestley; have him fire up the jet. No, we’re not bringing Dustin Diamond. Fuck that guy.”

Megan Fox apparently has an insatiable hunger for doin’ it. She recently told FHM that she’s obsessed with sex and doesn’t really see a point in doing anything else. Here’s the exact quote via Hollyscoop.com:

“I have the libido of a teenage boy. I’d rather have sex all the time than leave the house.”

Excuse me, my penis seems to have rocketed off my body and blasted into orbit. *picks up phone* Hello? NASA? Uh huh, the wiener again. I’ll take my usual shuttle. Listen, while we’re up there can you can get me some numbers on possibly, I dunno, firing a bazooka at Brian Austin Green’s face. I’m actually not particular as to where it lands but I’d prefer his last words be “Megan, do the guy who writes The Superficial.” I’d crunch the numbers myself but my algebra’s a bit rusty. You’ll do it? Fantastic. You guys truly are “the right stuff.” Oh, man, get it? Like the movie? Hello? Shit…

Special thanks to Andrew for alerting me to the greatest news in the history of, uh, news-alism.

These are some shots of Megan Fox topless while filming Jennifer’s Body. Although is there any point to even putting stuff here? I’m just going to stop typing because, seriously, who’s looking at the words when HOLY CRAP, IT’S MEGAN FOX’S BOOBS! Obviously, these pics are NSFW and if you couldn’t figure that out, please e-mail me where you’ll be operating a motor vehicle. Mostly so I can take such necessary precautions as, I dunno, running for my fucking life!

Megan Fox attended the 7th Annual Breakthrough of the Year awards in Los Angeles. You might recognize her as the hot girl from Transformers. She’s definitely making something of mine transform. Yup, look at it go. Wait a minute. What the hell? Why did it change into a rice cooker? That’s not a monster boner like I was hinting at or even a tank. Awesome, wiener, you’ve made a fool out of me on the Internet. No, I don’t want some Uncle Ben’s. Don’t talk to me.