Dang you Jimmy Kimmel Live! for making Tom Cruise likable in this brilliant clip where we learned how Jimmy Kimmel gets the A-Listed like Tom Cruise on the show!!! Seriously I never knew Tom Cruise could be so funny maybe he should switch from the dramas that keep bombing and do comedy more often.
Cruise wasn’t the only actor he had the show, Mel Gibson’s recent look was explained.

Jimmy Kimmel Live! was the funniest thing on ABC last night, so don’t wait another year to see how funny the show is! Start checking it out tonight when the Jonas Brothers are back on the show tonight on ABC at 12:05a! Hopefully they won’t kill anyone this time. And next Monday New Kids on the Block make their debut appearance on the show and I will be there to watch them live!!!

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Apparently, it’s Spiritual Awareness Day on The Superficial. People is reporting that Britney Spears is now under the divine tutelage of Mel Gibson. Christ! It appears the two met for over two hours last night at a Beverly Hills cigar club:

For more than two-and-a-half hours, the singer, 26, and the actor-filmmaker, 52, met in what was confirmed to PEOPLE as a more of an ongoing guidance session than a business pow-wow.
“Britney looked like a doll with bright red lipstick,” added the photog, who described her as “very quiet” and “with a serious look on her face as she walked in to the Havana Club.”
By contrast, an upbeat Gibson left his silver Lexus with the valet and walked in holding what was described as a “man-purse” up to his face and a look of “okay, you got me” as paparazzi snapped his picture.

This should end well. And by well I mean Britney drunkenly crashing her Mercedes into a synagogue after receiving promises of Taco Bell. Oh, Mel Gibson, how black is your heart? Now she’ll really never work in music again.*

*Check’s in the mail, sugartits. Signed, The Entire Human Race.

Britney Spears stopped at a health clinic yesterday before taking flight with Mad Max for Jesus himself, Mel Gibson. This adds fuel to the rampant speculation that she’s got Adnan Jr. in her belly. But, there could be other causes for her recent weight gain, according to The Sun:

The source said: “Despite daily workouts, she has put on a lot of weight in recent weeks. She isn’t saying if she is pregnant, but she is taking medication which has affected her weight. Living with her dad — a chef — means she has piled on pounds. She is extremely paranoid about her body at the moment.”
Britney is also believed to be struggling with her weight after she stopped taking Adderol, a stimulant prescribed for attention deficit disorder and used by women to keep hunger under control. Addiction specialist Marty Brenner said: “Weight gain is a common side effect.”

Someone needs to get to the bottom of this. I wonder if Britney Spears would let me look at her vagina with a magnifying glass? WOW! Too far, me. Way, way, way too far. No one needs to see that - ever. In fact, if she’s pregnant, I think the doctor should be allowed to deliver the baby blindfolded. So Vote “Yes” on California Doctors with Blindfolds in the Case of Britney Law. A doctor is a terrible thing to waste - unless he won’t give you free boner pills. I hate you, doc!

Britney Spears and her dad Jamie left for Costa Rica today with Mel “SugarTits” Gibson. The Vagina’d One and Braveheart together on vacation? *picks up phone* Hello? Satan? Yeah, it’s me. What do you know about Britney and Mel Gibson? Uh huh. Plague of frogs is next, you say? Neat. The Insider reports:

Britney arrived on time, about 5 minutes after Mel, and the plane departed at 9:05 a.m.
We spotted them leaving on a private plane to the Central American state early this morning. Sources tell us that Mel is taking Britney and her father JAMIE for a mini-vacation. We’ve learned they will be guests at Mel’s home in Costa Rica.

I know Mel Gibson loves torture, but this seems a tad overboard. Couldn’t he do something a little less abrasive? Like, I dunno, pouring acid on his junk. You gotta start out slow then work your way up to a life-altering evening of “Holy FUCK! Where are her pants?”

NOTE: Also, Britney Spears is definitely pregnant. I’m saying it now and as soon as I get a hold of pics I can use without getting my sweet ass sued off, I’ll get them up for you guys. Scout’s honor - even though I got kicked out for trying to extinguish an entire forest fire with my pee. I could’ve done it, dammit!

Britney Spears and Mel Gibson had dinner together Saturday evening. And yet, somehow, during this meeting of the minds cancer wasn’t cured. Stunning. TMZ reports:

The two were at Romanov Restaurant and Lounge in L.A. last night and according to one report they broke bread together. Our sources say Gibson, his wife Robin and their kids reached out to Britney during her darkest days and began seeing her.
We’re told Mel and Robin feel like they know how tough it is to live in a fishbowl and they think they can help the Britster. There have been private dinners in which Mel, Robin and their brood have hooked up with Brit to give her support.

Oh, what I would’ve given to have been a fly on that wall. Mostly to hear Mel tell Britney the Holocaust isn’t real to which she responds by eating a coaster. She would’ve known it was glass had she not covered it in ranch dressing from the bottle in her purse. That’s our Britney! Wa wa diddle dee doo!

Is Mel Gibson the right person to save Britney Spears? This is a relationship made in hell.

What a d!ck. Maybe Mel Gibson thought they were Jewish and that is why he didn’t sign their autographs. There was absolutely no reason why he couldn’t sign those two autographs. Jerk.

Resident Diana Shearin said: “I thought, ‘Holy Cocktail — it’s Mel Gibson!

“Within seconds he was the centre of attention, surrounded by gorgeous young women.

“He was laughing and seemed to be having the time of his life.

“He was very congenial actually, but he looked like he had been partying hard — nothing like the suave, smooth-looking dude you see in the movies. His minders weren’t keen on anyone taking pictures.”