Morgan Freeman was released from the hospital today. He was admitted with several broken bones after flipping his car late Sunday night. People reports:

“I left the hospital today just after 12 noon, Memphis time,” Freeman said in a statement released by his rep to PEOPLE. “I’m doing very well. I feel real good. I just really, I thank the staff at ‘Elvis Presley [Hospital]’ and many, many thanks to my many well-wishers. It’s great to know people care about you.”

Upon discharge, Morgan Freeman repeatedly asked “Where all the bitches at?” Before explaining to a hospital worker: “A dog’s gotta hunt.” God, I can’t wait to get old.

Morgan Freeman and his wife of 24 years are getting a divorce. The news hit just days after the actor was pulled out of his car with the jaws of life along with a female passenger. Pimpin’ ain’t easy. (I blame the cataracts.) Access Hollywood reports:

Freeman and his wife of 24-years, costumer Myrna Colley-Lee, “are involved in a divorce action,” the actor’s Mississippi-based attorney and business partner Bill Luckett told Access Hollywood. “And for legal and practical purposes, [Freeman and Colley-Lee] have been separated since December of 2007.”

Man, I hope when I’m 71, I’ll be picking up chicks and surviving insane car crashes. Which will be really amazing considering we’ll have flying cars by then. So, yeah, in your face, Freeman!

Morgan Freeman is surprisingly jovial after being pulled out of his car by the jaws of life late Sunday night. He’s scheduled to undergo surgery for several broken bones, but is quoted as saying “Pfft. Car crashes are pussy shit.” Okay, he didn’t really say that, but I like to imagine he did with that distinctive tone he uses to narrate documentaries. People reports:

“He has a broken arm, broken elbow and minor shoulder damage but he is in good spirits,” said Donna Lee. “He is going to have surgery this afternoon or tomorrow to correct the damage. He says he’ll be okay and is looking forward to a full recovery.”

Morgan Freeman’s Dark Knight co-star Christian Bale has offered to do whatever it takes to help Morgan get back on his feet. In fact, he’s even pledged to punch his own mother in the face if it’ll help. Doctors are pretty sure it won’t but are afraid of telling Christian and getting headbutted through a window. That shit hurts and these dudes know. They’re doctors.

Apparently it’s Sobering News Day on The Superficial. Morgan Freeman was seriously injured in an accident late last night and is in serious condition at a Mississippi hospital. His car flipped several times after veering off the highway and rescue workers needed to use the jaws of life to get the 71-year-old actor out. Though he appeared to be coherent and even joked with onloookers, according to the AP:

“They had to use the jaws of life to extract him from the vehicle,” McFerrin said. “He was lucid, conscious. He was talking, joking with some of the rescue workers at one point.”
McFerrin said bystanders converged on the scene trying to get a glimpse of the actor.
When one person tried to snap a photo with a cell phone camera, Freeman joked, “no freebies, no freebies,” McFerrin said.

When Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman gets pulled out of a massive wreck, you don’t try to take his picture with your phone. You shake the man’s hand, dammit! I’m telling you there’s no such as etiquette these days.

The Superficial wishes Morgan a speedy recovery and not just because I’m afraid to see someone else build Batman kickass shit in the next movie. (But if it ends up being Ashton Kutcher, I’ll kill myself.)