Nereida Gallardo continues her epic quest to spend 90% of the summer totally topless in order to piss off ex-boyfriend Cristiano Ronaldo. I wish my exes flashed their boobs to get back at me. Boy, would I learn my lesson.

UPDATE: Did it work? Shit…

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions unless you work in a factory that builds topless Spanish models with augmented breasts. In which case, are you hiring?

These are shots of Spanish model Nereida Gallardo topless in Ibiza. You may remember Nereida from the bikini shots a few weeks back when she was vacationing with soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo - who just dumped her on her ass. Some say she’s prancing around topless to show him what he’s missing. While others say she’s just demonstrating Europeans less puritanical view of nudity. Allow me to provide my educated assessment: Whoopee!

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions. But, seriously, who needs a job when you can look at nipples? Words to live by, folks.

Nereida Gallardo continues her vacation in Italy with soccer star boyfriend Cristiano Ronaldo. At some angles, Nereida looks absolutely banging. While in others, Holy crap, cellulite. But I’m willing to look past all that because I’m a sensitive guy who drinks a lot and had sex with a a toaster last night. I’ve got nowhere to go but up. (Provided the coffeepot stops giving me “the eye.”) That said; Nereida, quit smoking and hit the treadmill. Otherwise you’ve got a future ahead of you filled with sarongs and choreographed butt-flexing like someone I know. Let’s just say her name rhymes with “Kim Kardashian” and leave it at that.

Continuing International Soccer Stars and their Bikini-clad Ladies Week on The Superficial, I’m posting pics of Nereida Gallardo who’s vacationing in Sardinia with boyfriend Cristiano Ronaldo. These shots are from today, but I also added some from yesterday because, well, BIKINI. I bet you guys read this site while stroking your chins and thinking “Clearly, this man is a master wordsmith.” To which I say, please, I’m just a simple writer - with golden hands given to me by Zeus himself. Accurate anecdote.*

*AKA True story.