Stifler, whose real name is apparently Sean William Scott (I had no idea.), addressed the Internet rumors about why there’s tension between him and Nick Lachey. Turns out Stifler and Jessica Simpson had what grown-up’s call a “special hug.” Here’s my brief transcribing of what he said to after the jump.

Nick Lachey and his girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo make their living by simply showing up at places. They get paid to visit tropical resorts that need publicity or do photo shoots at department stores. Nick just has to stand around for a couple hours and take pictures. Easy stuff, right? Apparently not for Nick Lachey. Page Six reports:

According to a source at JC Penney’s “American Living” launch at Skylight on Hudson Street, “Nick was complaining the whole time he was there. He started whining, ‘When can I get out of here?’ and refusing to take photos. That’s what he was paid to show up for.”

Jesus. Nick Lachey’s life really is sheer torture. I mean, the dude gets handed bags full of dough but he has to smile for pictures. I had no idea such inhumane practices go on in this country. But, on top of that, he has to go home and bang Vanessa Minnillo. I don’t know how he does it day after day. Gandhi had it easier than this. Actually, I’m serious about that. Gandhi was never forced to have a conversation with Jessica Simpson. If he did, he’d probably have thrown himself underneath an elephant.

These photos just recently surfaced, but they were taken two weeks ago while Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey were on vacation in the British Virgin Islands. And I use the term ‘vacation’ loosely, since you probably have to have a job to actually take a vacation. Although to be fair, lying around on the beach and having sex all day is tough work. I’ve been doing it full-time for over ten years now and, despite what the line of satisfied ladies might suggest, I still consider myself only semi-professional. And by semi-professional, I mean if lying on the beach and having sex was like knocking over buildings, I’d be motherfucking Godzilla.

A ton more of Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey wishing they were employed after the jump.

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