These are shots of Petra Nemcova modeling the latest line of lingerie for La Senza which is Spanish for Olé! As a responsible member of the media (not counting the Jennifer Love Hewitt post below) I shouldn’t say that I expect all women to look this. Just the ones that will believe I’m a millionaire secret agent who works undercover in his parents’ basement. The futon is government-issued. I can’t say anymore. It’s classified… ladies.

Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn were spotted together at Elton John’s Oscar after-party. I was there and it was a blast until Jack Nicholson had sex with an ice sculpture. Then it was the greatest party known to man. Anyway, Petra used to date James Blunt and now she’s on to Sean Penn. I guess she likes dudes who are ugly as sin. That counts me out because I’m as beautiful as, uh, non-sin? I dunno. I tried to look up “non-sin” in the Bible but my hands started burning. Mostly because my roommate was pouring acids on my hands. It’s his way of letting me know we’re out of beer. He’s good people.

Petra Nemcova poses topless for the latest ad campaign for Rampage jeans. She looks so good I’m tempted to buy a pair myself and go cruising the mall for chicks. The jeans look a little tight but that means I can show the ladies the “rampage” in my pants. Unless I black out from the loss of circulation to my nads and suffer a concussion. Wait, I’ll just wear a football helmet. Damn. This is almost too easy…