David Duchovny is out of rehab for sex addiction after he checked himself for allegedly cheating on Tea Leoni. People reports:

David Duchovny has checked out of a rehabilitation center for sex addiction, according to his lawyer, Stanton “Larry” Stein.
“David is out of rehab and about to start a new movie,” Stein tells PEOPLE. “He successfully completed his treatment.”

Why am I starting to regret sending David a congratulatory erotic cake? Oh, crap, it just hit me: I forgot to send a card with it. That’s just ignorant. Seriously, I’m embarrassed.

David Duchovny’s checked into rehab last week to seek treatment for sex addiction. Rumors were circulating that he had an affair with his tennis instructor because apparently people believe celebrities are characters in Dallas. A close friend of Mulder’s set the record straight that it’s a bad case of porn addiction. FOX News reports:

Alas, it isn’t so, says a close friend. Duchovny did not check in because of an extramarital fling. That much the friend is certain of. Even more so: Duchovny’s problem has been longstanding. His wife, Tea Leoni, was aware of it for some time. It had just reached a point where it had to be treated.
I have inferred from my conversation with Duchovny’s friend that this has something to do with an addiction to pornography, probably on the internet. It’s the sex equivalent of a gambling addiction, where the person is just hopelessly trapped in chat rooms.

Wait. There’s porn on the Internet? …. Hold my calls.

David Duchovny has checked into rehab for sex addiction, according to People:

“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” the actor says in an exclusive statement. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

Ironically, David Duchovny plays a sex addict on the Showtime series Californication. The network issued the following statement:

“All of us at Showtime wish David and his family the best during this very private time.”

Perhaps “private time” wasn’t the best choice of words, Showtime. Anyway, this puts the X-Files in a whole new light especially after reading Agent Scully’s statement:

One time he asked if we could do it U.F.O-style. At first I was confused, until he showed me ‘the probe.’

"I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction," the actor says in an exclusive statement. "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."

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Filed under: Gaming

From the get-go, Nintendo’s latest console was seen as a dream come true for folks who’d love to lose a few pounds, yet would rather log a few hours on the couch rather than the track. Shortly after the Wii Fit’s launch, we’re already seeing another wave of dedicated users reporting weight loss, and the trend is even bleeding into the medical field. According to Sue Stanley-Green, a professor of athletic training at Florida Southern College, the Wii Fit and other fitness-related games have “great potential for core strengthening and rehabilitation and may boost compliance with rehabilitation exercises.” She also noted that these games were “being used more and more in nursing homes,” and particularly with youngsters, titles such as Wii Fit are the only ones that stand a chance at getting them active. We can’t decide if that’s a positive thing or just downright depressing.

[Thanks, Juergen]

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Steven Tyler is claiming his recent stint in rehab was only to recover from foot surgery and not drug and/or alcohol related. Did I miss a memo about it being Celebrity Bullshit Excuses for Rehab Week? Jesus. Anyway, for those of you who actually care about Aerosmith, here’s Steven’s formal statement to People:

“The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time,” Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. “The ‘foot repair’ pain was intense, greater than I’d anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There’s a new album to record, then another tour.”

Foot surgery? Give me a break. Why couldn’t he just say it was depression? Oh, right, Kirsten Dunst used that… Why couldn’t he just say it was foot surgery?

Kirsten Dunst opened up to E! Online’s Mark Malkin about her recent trip to Cirque Lodge. Turns out it wasn’t for the drinky; she was depressed. She also denied rumors that she’s dating Ryan Gosling. So, basically, after admitting she suffers from depression, E! made her confess to being lonely and emerging from her trailer at night to feed on the young. Okay, maybe not that last part. Here’s the details:

“I didn’t go to Cirque Lodge for alcohol abuse or drug abuse,” Dunst tells me exclusively during a lunch break on All Good Things. “I went there for depression.
“It was a good six months before I decided to go away,” Dunst says. “I was struggling, and I had the opportunity to go somewhere and take care of myself. I was fortunate to have the resources to do it. My friends and family thought it was a good idea, too. But I didn’t know where to go. My doctor recommended Cirque Lodge.”

How can you be sad while you’re drinking? That’s scientifically impossible. Back me up, Geekologie Writer. And, also, put on some pants. I don’t want people thinking we coordinated outfits again.

While her colleagues enjoyed the Oscars, Kirsten Dunst earned a brief escape from Cirque Lodge rehab facility yesterday afternoon and decided to shop at a nearby Target. I guess this is her way of getting back at Jake Gyllenhaal. That’s some cold-blooded shit. If I found out my ex was shopping at Target, I’d kill myself. Mostly by playing lots of video games thus leading an increasingly sedentary lifestyle which could heighten the risk of heart disease when I get old. Yeah, that’ll teach her. Just you wait 40-50 years, lady. It’s on!

Kirsten Dunst’s friends are no longer afraid she’ll drink their blood and transform them into an army of Nosferatus, so they’re confirming to Us Magazine the rumor that Kirsten’s break-up with Jake Gyllenhaal led to her current stint in rehab. Jake didn’t dig Kirsten’s partying and, when he split, she started hitting the bottle like a champ:

“Whenever the cast and crew were out, she was the center of the group – doing shots and encouraging everyone to drink,” a source on her upcoming movie How to Lose Friends & Alienate People told Us. “There was no such thing as ‘just the one’ for her.”

So, let me get this straight, Kirsten Dunst gets dumped by Jake Gyllenhaal and becomes a one-woman drinking machine a.k.a. my soulmate. She doesn’t need to go to rehab. She needs to go to my house. We can get liquored up and inevitably end up playing my favorite game: “Morning After Pill Pursuit: Hangover Edition.” It’s sort of like Monopoly - but with more abortion. Dibs on the top hat.

Filed under: Gaming

It’s not the first we’ve heard of the Wii being used for rehabilitation context, but it would appear “Wiihab” is becoming increasingly frequent. According to the AP, hospitals in states like Missouri, Illinois, and North Carolina, and even Walter Reed Army Medical Center are all incorporating the Wii into physical therapy routines. Just in time, too, it would be really weird if Wiiitis or a nasty Wiinjury landed you in the hospital in the first place, your doctor used a Wii to hone his steady hand, and you didn’t actually get to use a Wii to get your ass well enough to be discharged. Ah, what a world.

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Amy Winehouse is out of rehab and has apparently scored herself some new digs - with the Osbournes. I smell a sitcom! Page Six reports:

She’s moving in with Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne and their daughter, Kelly, in the guesthouse of their estate outside London. The stick-figured “Rehab” singer, just out of rehab herself, is a longtime pal of Kelly, also a former rehabber. “Kelly has always been there for Amy, they are very tight,” a source tells London’s Daily Mirror.

I bet, if you walked into the Osbourne’s house while Amy Winehouse lived there, your brain would literally split in two from the onslaught of crazy. You’d be better off eating a cereal bowl full of peyote - which, coincidentally, I did before driving/riding a poodle to work. So far I’ve been unable to convince my co-workers that I’m Jesus. Looks like I’ll have to eat this marker to prove it to them. *crunch* Hmm. Tastes like butterscotch. See, Bill, I told you. Now get the messiah his coffee.

Amy Winehouse won’t be performing at the Grammys after all. The U.S. Embassy turned down her request for a visa, according to the AP:

“Amy has been progressing well since entering a rehabilitation clinic two weeks ago and although disappointed with the decision has accepted the ruling and will be concentrating on her recovery,” The Outside Organization, which counts the troubled retro-soul sensation among its clients, said in a statement.

Apparently the U.S. feels we don’t need another manic celebrity on the loose terrorizing the countryside. Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking about you, Dakota Fanning. Please, for the sake of humanity, just eat all the papaya you want then fly off with your fellow bat-children. Don’t make me chase you with a broom. Oh God, she’s in my hair! Ew! Ew!

Kirsten Dunst checked herself into the Cirque Lodge rehabilitation facility in Utah, according to Star Magazine:

“She desperately needed help,” a source in Utah tells Star. “She seemed to be intoxicated when she checked in because she was acting really erratic. She was extremely emotional, constantly breaking down in tears.”

How do you show up drunk to a rehab center in the middle of Utah? Unless someone drove her and she spent the whole trip downing booze like a convict on death row. In which case, I only have one thing to say to that: Kirsten Dunst, will you marry me? Obviously not in a church. I know how holy water burns your vampire skin. See, baby, I notice the little things.

Amy Winehouse recently lent her efforts to preserve The George Tavern a historic pub in London. Apparently an apartment development is planned that would ruin the bar’s 360-degree natural light. When approached by landlady Pauline Forster, Amy came up with the idea to sell T-shirts that say “Save The George.” She hasn’t been able to help lately since, well, she’s in rehab. That sort of puts a damper on the ol’ drinking. People reports:

“She’s not well, so nobody’s allowed to contact her,” Forster said. “I spoke to her on the phone twice before she went into rehab, and I’ve spoken to her father a couple of times. He told me I could write her a letter, so I sent a handwritten one and popped a t-shirt in the post.”

You know what’s always a smart move? And, really, you can’t miss with this one: Sending an alcohol-related T-shirt to a friend in rehab. I bet there was a card inside that reads: “Hope to see you soon! Drinks on me!” That’s just good manners.

NOTE: These are pictures of Amy taking a walk this morning outside of her rehab facility. She actually looks decrackified. That being said, how cold is it in England right now? I’m pretty much convinced Amy Winehouse would wear a mini-skirt while dog-sledding through the Antarctic.

UPDATE: During Amy’s walk she apparently renewed her visa because, according to Us Magazine, she’s going to the Grammys! Now we’ll get to see what a drug-free Amy Winehouse performance looks like. Will we understand her lyrics and what sober items will she pull out of her beehive? I’ve got my fingers crossed for a Gameboy.

TMZ revealed today that Eva Mendes is in rehab battling a substance abuse problem:

We’re told the “Ghost Rider” star is at the famous Cirque Lodge, near Sundance. The Lodge, which treated Lindsay Lohan and other stars, is one of the most respected treatment facilities in the country.
Eva has been at Cirque for several weeks.

Her addiction? My guess is ass-patting. I had a problem with it myself. It was really affecting my work. I mean, I would pat anyone’s ass. My secretary, random co-workers, Ted in Accounting. Also the copying machine. Oh, that copying machine. Such a tight buttocks on that one… But, anyway, I got some help and I think I’m better for it. Best of luck to Eva.

via The Hollywood Reporter
Did Sean Young think she was at Comedy Club and not at the DGA Awards. I guess that is why she is in rehab now, it is wrong to heckle at the DGA Awards. But in her defense he did need “Get On With It!” Hopefully he will be more prepared if wins the Oscar. And has anyone heard of or seen that movie?

Amy Winehouse checked into rehab today, according to a statement issued by her record label Universal Music Group:

“Amy decided to enter the facility today after talks with her record label, management, family and doctors. She has come to understand that she requires specialist treatment to continue her ongoing recovery from drug addiction.”

Meanwhile, her cat is still nowhere to be found. A representative for London Taxi Co. refused to comment.

Britney Spears’ family is planning another intervention to get the troubled star to return to rehab. They were hoping losing custody of her kids would motivate Britney to get her life together, but, well, it’s Britney. She ate fried chicken instead. OK! Magazine reports:

“Although her mom and dad are divorced, they are banding together for the sake of their daughter and their grandsons,” the family friend tells OK!. “Her sister and brother have been meeting with their parents to figure out the best way to confront Britney. They know she needs a huge wake-up call if she is going to be successful in keeping her children and putting her life back on track.”

Remember when you started experimenting with drugs and an intervention meant your dad beating you in the basement with a lead pipe? Those were the good old days. I’m not suggesting someone tries that with Britney, but I’m also not suggesting it wouldn’t be a bad idea. In fact, here’s a pipe. I don’t know how that gun got taped to it. Or where these bullets came from. Must’ve been the rehab fairy. She’s so silly!