Shia LaBeouf will not be charged with DUI after a car accident in July that severely damaged his hand. Even though it was later determined the other driver ran a red light, Shia refused a breathalyzer test at the scene which could cost him his license for up to nine months. The Associated Press reports:

There was “insufficient evidence” to charge LaBeouf with drunken driving, Los Angeles County District Attorney spokeswoman Jane Robison said Thursday. She said prosecutors are mulling charges against two other people involved in the July collision, but could not provide further details.
“Shia is most happy that he will not have to go to court,” said his attorney, Michael Norris.

It’s official: The California Legal System loves Transformers. And, really, who doesn’t? It has cars that turn into robots AND Megan Fox’s navel. I’d let somebody recklessly drive around drunk for that. Then again, I have a drinking problem and the attention span of a caffeinated two-year-old. What was I talking about? Hey, look, I tied my own shoes!

Megan Fox attended the LA premiere of Shia LaBeouf’s new movie Eagle Eye last night. I thought I’d offer these pics as a comparison piece to yesterday’s post featuring a Photoshopped Megan Fox in a bikini. So what do you think, is she still hot? I guess I’d have sex with her. Maybe. It all depends on if we could connect on a spiritual level, you know? Hold on, my editor is telling me I’m confusing “spiritual level” with “a Denny’s restroom.” That’s embarrassing.

Khloe Kardashian is now considered a receptacle for advice on drinking and driving after her three hour stint in jail. I’d say that qualifies her to dish out horribly vapid pearls of wisdom for recently arrested Shia LaBeouf which, oh, hey, that’s exactly what she did. Fantastic! Us Magazine reports:

“Just be smarter,” she told Usmagazine.com at the Annual Style L.A. Runway show benefitting the Facial Paralysis Foundation & Stop the Violence/Face the Music benefit.
“Think about your actions and get a driver!” the 24-year-old counseled. “It’s so much cheaper in the long run!”

“So much cheaper.” Interesting. How about, I dunno, nobody gets fucking killed? I mean, I guess that’s as important as saving a couple bucks. Then again, I don’t spend the majority of each day in a mansion with my sister trying to block the sun with our asses, so I could be wrong.

Shia LaBeouf’s crash on Sunday morning turned out to be not his fault despite being freaking loaded, according to the AP:

Sheriff’s spokesman Steve Whitmore says detectives have determined that the other driver apparently ran a red light, and will be also be cited.

Now this is something I wouldn’t want to know if I were Shia LaBeouf. I’d prefer learning a valuable lesson instead of finding out, “Hey, guess what, you’re actually a decent drunk driver who just got nailed by some idiot.” There’s only way that’ll end: Me filling my glove box with Jim Beam and Jell-O and starting an office car pool. Sure, everyone will complain I’m not wearing any pants, but have you seen those gas prices?

Shia LaBeouf was arrested for suspicion of DUI after crashing his pickup into another car early Sunday morning. His two passengers suffered minor injuries while Shia required surgery on his hand at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. He was booked for misdemeanor DUI at the hospital where no photo or prints were taken, according to AP:

“It was immediately apparent to officers responding on the scene that LaBeouf was intoxicated and he was subsequently placed under arrest,” Wolf said.

And the Disney curse strikes again. Oh yeah, that’s right; Shia was a Disney child star ala Lindsay and Britney. What the fuck do they do to these kids? Promise the parents a boatload of cash as long as their little prodigies down a fifth of Jameson every morning with Michael Eisner? I mean, seriously that, uh, actually sounds kind of awesome. So, who wants to make a baby?

Shia LeBeouf is making the apology rounds after a video of him at a house party recently hit the Internet. It basically shows a drunk Shia telling one of his friends to hit him in the face. When his friend decides, “Not today, sir.” Shia calls him a “faggot” and then recieves his come-slap-ance! Shia’s rep issued the following statement via People:

“The videotape that is currently being circulated is several years old and captures Shia playing a game among friends in which he uses a derogatory word toward a friend,” LaBeouf’s rep continued. “He regrets having used the word in any capacity and is very embarrassed that this footage is being seen by anyone.”

I love how Shia’s rep describes the video as “a game among friends.” As if they were playing an innocent round of Monopoly but things suddenly got out of hand: “Park Place?! Oh, this is great. Just great. Now we have to get drunk, call each other fags and slap each other silly on camera. This is exactly why I picked Hi Ho Cherry-O.”

Video after the jump.

Shia LaBeouf’s dad Jeffrey is apparently some sort of crazy “I live in a tepee” guy. But during the cold months, Shia lovingly opens up his home to his father. And by home I mean garage. Except this time, outside LaBeouf Manor, Jeffrey told Star “I live here now.” Here’s what Shia had to say about his new tenant:

“I love him, but we have similar tastes. Living in close proximity, we get into little battles. Over the fridge, over supplies, just everyday average stuff. Toothpaste, clean towels… it becomes a little overbearing, so we keep him in the garage.”
But Jeffrey may be overstaying his welcome! “It’s not winter anymore, and he’s still here,” says Shia. “You can’t be like, ‘Hey Dad, listen, it’s time to go back to your tepee.’ You can’t make him leave.”

Wow, that’s pretty nice of you considering the man stuck you with the name Shia. Anyway, this story puts a lot of things in perspective for me. Namely that, if you have kids, you always have a garage to sleep in when it gets too cold in your tepee. Sweet! I am officially never using condoms again. Not that I ever did to begin with, but sometimes it’s fun to pretend. And that burning sensation is telling me it’s time to pee. BRB!

Transformers star Shia LeBeouf was arrested around 2:30 a.m. Sunday morning at a Chicago Walgreens after he refused to leave the store, according to CBS News:

A security guard repeatedly told LaBeouf that he wasn’t welcome and had to leave because he appeared to be drunk, police said.
When the actor refused to leave, the security guard detained him and called police.
After he was arrested, LaBeouf was “very courteous and polite,” and he posted bond before 7 a.m., police said.

Here’s what’s sad about this post. This is the most scandalous piece of celebrity gossip that happened all weekend. Shia LabiaOf (sp?) gets a bit tipsy, wanders into a pharmacy and has to spend the night in the drunk tank. He didn’t even do something cool like steal a police cruiser. Lame. I’m going to read something more interesting. Like the ingredients off a box of cereal. 25% riboflavin! NO WAY!