The Sun
Someone left a message for Sienna Miller, who is rumored to dating the married Balthazar Getty who said he had already separated from him wife when the two were photographed kissing and such. But how long could he have been separated from wife who just gave birth to his fourth child last October…just asking?

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Sienna Miller was basically labeled a homewrecker after topless photos of her on vacation with Balthazar Getty emerged. It also didn’t help that Balthazar waited a week to announce he was separated from his wife at the time. So, Sienna is looking to cash in on the situation by suing The Sun, News of the World and Big Pictures for invasion of privacy, according to The Guardian:

It is believed that the writ relates to two articles that appeared in the Sun where Big Pictures contributed photos. The stories and pictures reported on Miller’s holiday in Italy and also referred to her friendship with Balthazar Getty, heir to the Getty oil fortune.

For the record, this kind of celebrity legal shenanigans is only kosher in Europe. Thankfully, here in the U.S., we understand the importance of seeing famous body parts.* Future historians will look back on our culture and revere Britney Spears’ vagina as if it were the Declaration of Independence. Damn, somebody should print some of my posts and bury them in a time capsule. People in the future should see how freaking advanced I was. Then they’ll build a moon statute in my honor which, for accuracy’s sake, should include me uppercutting a tank.

*Editor’s Note: The Superficial Writer, who is not a lawyer and simply hunts ambulances for sport, is making a broad, possibly inaccurate statement about privacy litigation. His assumptions are, legally speaking, derived solely from his anus.

After photos of him and a topless Sienna Miller emerged, actor Balthazar Getty decided to wait a full week to announce him and his wife have been separated. Maybe he digs the asshole vibe, I dunno. Here’s the statement Balthazar issued to the press via Us Magazine:

“The breakdown of a marriage is a very difficult and painful experience especially when children are involved,” Getty wrote. “In light of the fact that many pictures have surfaced in print and on the Internet which has caused myself and my family great embarrassment, I felt it necessary to at least acknowledge publicly that yes indeed my wife and I have separated and I will not be commenting any further.”

What’s so difficult about telling your children that Mommy keeps a cold wedding bed? My dad told me all the time. Sure, I was only two, but I’d throw my blocks at the oven to let him know I knew where he was coming from. I turned out just fine. *whips mouse at intern* Sorry your boyfriend left you!

These are the much ballyhooed photos of Sienna Miller hanging out topless in Portofino, Italy with married actor Balthazar Getty of ABC’s Brothers and Sisters. The dude has been denying in the press that he’s involved with Sienna, but just in case, his wife is flying to Italy to sort things out, according to NY Daily News. I hope she likes nipples.

NOTE: Pics link to NSFW versions that, for some reason, make me see Gilligan’s Island in a whole new light.

To see the NSFW and kissing pictures then

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Want to see her lose her top then

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Sienna Miller may be the catalyst for Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn’s divorce. Sienna and Sean were spotted together partying in a New York hotel suite while Robin was home with the kids. NY Daily News reports:

“Sienna was sitting on Sean’s lap,” according the source. “She was dressed very sexily. She had her arm around his neck.” That night, claims the source, they stayed up quite late.

I’m sure the two of them were having a perfectly harmless conversation about Sean’s next Oscar-caliber movie he plans to direct. Nothing to worry about. It’s actually a documentary entitled Sean Penn Does a British Chick. Wait…

Sienna Miller’s character seems to have a cold in her new movie Hippie Hippie Shake. She also doesn’t seem to wear a bra. Sienna must be playing some sort of inspiring female role model that other women can look up to. Wait, of course! She’s Susan B. Anthony. I should’ve known. The nipple was a dead giveaway.

Sienna Miller apparently has a nude scene at a lake in her latest movie Hippie Hippie Shake. No need to thank me for sharing these with you. I know, I know, I’ve got a heart of gold. I remembered you guys go crazy for crack-thin chicks with small boobies. Something about women with the body of a 13-year-old boy really floats your boat. Well, consider this an early Christmas present, dear readers. I’m like Santa Claus, if he could bench press 300 pounds and breaks slabs of concrete on his abs.

Pictures are obviously NSFW so click with caution.