Jennifer Garner is a pretty smart mom. She’s read all the books and knows there’s one thing to definitely avoid during pregnancy: A crazed lunatic who claims to hear directly from God. (Sarah Palin?) Which is why she recently filed a restraining order against the man who’s been stalking her since 2002, according to Star:

In papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Nov. 7, the mom-to-be asks for protection against Steven R. Burky, 36, who she alleges has “engaged in obsessive and harassing behavior, posting about me on the Internet, sending me multiple packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts and following me around the country, through multiple states, to make contact with me.”
Jennifer’s sworn affidavit states that Burky has shown up at her private residence — where she lives with hubby Ben Affleck and their 2-year-old, Violet — and said that “God sent him a vision” that the actress would be persecuted in a way that could result in her death.

Why do stalkers always seem to have a shitload of frequent flier miles? This guy apparently followed Jennifer Garner “around the country, through multiple states.” Jesus. Do you know the last time I went on vacation? I was eight. And it wasn’t so much a vacation as my dad telling me that mowing the yard was this “Disney Land” all my friends were talking about. It wasn’t. But I did get bit by a snake and hallucinated Goofy stabbed him with the hedge clippers. Ha ha! That’s not how you give someone a handshake.

EDIT: Added a pic of Crazy Crazystein along with copies of some of the letters he sent Jennifer Garner. In case you want to make your own stalker letters at home with a friend.

Recently a narrative has started that Paula Goodspeed, the woman found dead outside Paula Abdul’s home from an apparent overdose/suicide, was not a stalker. Her friends and family have come to her defense despite overwhelming evidence including her real name is actually Sandra, and she’s OD’d before outside Paula Abdul’s house. Also, People reports Ms. Goodspeed dropped some crazy on the American Idol judge’s doorstep just last week:

Last week, Paula Abdul got flowers with a note signed, “Love, J.T.” and the message, “Hope you’re doing great. Here’s my new cell number.”
Thinking they had come from her restaurateur boyfriend J.T. Torregiani, Abdul called him asking why he had changed his number, a source close to Abdul tells PEOPLE. When he said he hadn’t, Abdul knew immediately who really sent them: ex-American Idol contestant Paula Goodspeed, according to the source.
“The flower thing was really scary – Paula [Abdul] really couldn’t handle that. She was terrified,” says the source.

But still, friends of Paula Goodspeed insist she’s innocent and wasn’t obsessed with Paula Abdul, according to NY Daily News:

But a good friend has rushed to the defense of 30-year-old Paula Goodspeed, telling the Daily News that the aspiring singer wasn’t a suicidal, “looney freakazoid” still obsessing over the mocking she received at her September 2005 “American Idol” audition.
Instead, Goodspeed was upbeat and planning for the future when she last communicated with pal Brianna Schlanger less than 24 hours before cops recovered her body Tuesday.
“She sent me a text at 10:22 the night before about meeting for a latte and movie. She ended the message with a happy face,” said Schlanger, a model from Reseda, Calif. “She seemed fine. Something must have happened after that. It needs to be further investigated.”

Okay, like most red-blooded Americans I believe in my heart of hearts that Paula Abdul eats small children while drinking a gallon of gin and might possibly be the Devil. That said, Paula Goodspeed was undoubtedly a “looney freakazoid” stalker. And, if the mountain of evidence isn’t enough, she ended her text message with a smiley face. Case closed
NOTE: Here’s a screen grab from Goodspeed’s MySpace page that displays a Paula Abdul photo with the caption “My secret crush…. Shhhhhhhh!” You know what keeps a good secret? Not OD’ing outside your crush’s house. Crazy, I know. But it just might work.

A woman was found dead outside Paula Abdul’s home last night and police believe she is a stalker who they’ve dealt with “numerous times before.” The woman’s body was discovered in her car and a drug overdose is the likely cause of death. TMZ reports:

An LAPD spokesperson said the parents of the victim believe their daughter was a “big fan” of Paula’s. Whether this has anything to do with the victim’s death is unclear, but it seems more than a coincidence her body was found just yards from Paula’s home.

There’s no evidence of foul play. The victim has not yet been ID’d. We’re told Paula was not home and possibly shooting for “American Idol.”

Stalkers today have no heart. There used to be a time when you left your drug habit at home next to your giant bag of toenail clippings. Otherwise, well, this happens which is just embarrassing. I mean, at least drown yourself in the celeb’s pool wearing a wedding dress or something. Show some initiative for God’s sake.

A woman was found dead outside Paula Abdul’s home last night and police believe she is a stalker who they’ve dealt with “numerous times before.” The woman’s body was discovered in her car and a drug overdose is the likely cause of death. TMZ reports:

An LAPD spokesperson said the parents of the victim believe their daughter was a “big fan” of Paula’s. Whether this has anything to do with the victim’s death is unclear, but it seems more than a coincidence her body was found just yards from Paula’s home.

There’s no evidence of foul play. The victim has not yet been ID’d. We’re told Paula was not home and possibly shooting for “American Idol.”

Stalkers today have no heart. There used to be a time when you left your drug habit at home next to the giant bag of toenail clippings. Otherwise, well, this happens which is just embarrassing. I mean, at least drown yourself in the celeb’s pool wearing a wedding dress or something. Show some initiative for crying out loud.

UPDATE: TMZ has identified the woman as Paula Goodspeed who auditioned for American Idol in 2005 and apparently snapped from being rejected.

Famed 80’s singer Debbie Gibson filed a restraining order against crazed fan Jordi Bassas Puigdollers (photographed with her above) of Spain after he showed up at her house on Sunday. Jordi constantly flies to the US to see Debbie in concert and often tries to follow her to her hotel. Showing up at Debbie’s house prompted a call to police who detained Jordi. The AP reports:

“I understand that she wants her privacy,” said Puigdollers, a taxi driver. “I would like to say I’m sorry. I don’t want problems and I don’t want to bother her so much.”
Puigdollers left a note under Gibson’s door Thursday suggesting that the two meet in El Paso, according to the singer.
“If you like, contact me,” he said in a note that was included with the court documents. He signed it with his phone number in Barcelona and an e-mail that begins “debhead.”

Jordi still plans to attend a Debbie Gibson concert in May, according to the article. He seems like he means well, so no doubt he’ll make some sort of peace offering with his beloved idol. Which will probably be a teddy bear made from his own pubic hair. It’s simple but from the heart.

Tyra Banks has herself a new stalker so, let’s give her a round of applause. You go, girl! Anyway, her stalker is Georgia native Brady Green who tried to get into The Tyra Banks Show with a duffel bag full of magazines featuring Tyra and demanded to see her. Crazy alarms were activated. The New York Post reports:

Cops were called to the scene, where Banks said she feared for her safety. Green was cleared from the premises. But at 7:22 p.m., Green was back - sitting across the street in a window seat at a McDonald’s, drinking coffee and flipping through one of his magazines, said witness Jesus Nuñez.
Nuñez described the 6-foot-2 Green as “huge, strong with a lot of muscles.”

When Brady Green went before a judge he was allowed to go free:

The next morning, Green appeared in Manhattan Criminal Court and pleaded not guilty to the charges. No bail was requested, despite Green not having provided a New York address. Judge Anthony Ferrara released him on his own recognizance - but issued an order of protection for Banks.

First off, Tyra should start dating Chuck Norris on the ASAP. Second, real stalkers don’t eat at McDonald’s. Pfft. That’s for chumps. Burger King is the place to be. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go eat a Whopper in Jessica Alba’s pool then sniff her patio furniture. It’s good to set goals for yourself. Helps the ol’ self esteem.