Economy gotcha down? Suri Cruise’ll make it all better. The adorable half-pint, who may or may not be the product of L. Ron Hubbard’s frozen man-goo, sent the Internet a flutter today when it was revealed she topped Forbes.com “Hollywood’s 10 Hottest Tots” list. Turns out during these times of financial woes, folks just can’t get enough of a miniature Katie Holmes:

But as the economy heads toward what many predict is a recession, these adorable kids–and the desire to chronicle their upbringings–may become more important than ever. Simply put, fawning over celebrities and their picturesque families may be just the sort of distraction people need.
Dina Sansing, entertainment director for Us Weekly agrees:”It’s much more fun to look at cute pictures of Suri,” she says, “than think about how much your 401(k) has decreased.”
Suri’s first place ranking on the list comes from strong performances across the board. She earned the top spot for public awareness, received more blog mentions than any other Tinseltown kiddie and was referenced in more than 1,300 news articles.

Here’s the complete list of high-powered spawns:

1. Suri Cruise
2. Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
3. Zahara Jolie-Pitt
4. Pax Jolie-Pitt
5. Sam Alexis Woods
6. Cruz Beckham
7. Matilda Rose Ledger
8. David Banda
9. Sean Preston Federline
10. Sam Sheen

Ha! Denise Richard’s daughter lost to Britney Spears’ kid - and it wasn’t even the cute one! I’d love to be a fly on their wall when that news hit.

DENISE: Sam, I’m very disappointed in you.
SAM: I’m sowwy, mama.
DENISE: You did a very bad thing. Jesus, that little boy’s parents are practically brother and sister.
SAM: Yes, mama.
DENISE: We should probably stage a press conference and say it was your father’s fault.
SAM: Daddy puts sugar in his nose to give him happy thoughts.
DENISE: Okay, good. You remembered your lines.

Katie Holmes wants to move to New York City with Suri - but not Tom. She’s been offered a role in the Broadway revival of All My Sons and doesn’t want Tom ass-raping her theater career like he did with her film career. Star reports:

“She desperately needs to be on her own for a while, but there’s no way Tom is going to let her take Suri away,” an insider tells Star. “There’s no way he’ll allow it. He just doesn’t want Katie — or Suri — out of his sight for long. He told her that if she goes to New York, fine, but he goes with her.”
Further, the couple’s tug of war over their daughter has intensified as of late.
“Tom wants to call all the shots when it comes to Suri,” says an insider. “He has a lot of rules, and there’s conflict.”

The Superficial has obtained some of Tom’s rules for Suri. Many Bothans died bringing us this information. God, they suck at espionage…:

1. Hugs require an E-meter reading of Clear. After that it’s $1,000 for a hug and an additional $500 for a “How’s daddy little girl?” An “I love you” is $750. No personal checks.

2. When Uncle John calls, tell him Daddy is in the shower watching Battlefield Earth. Promptly let him in upon his arrival. He’ll be in a hurry.

3. Please stay within 100 yards of Daddy. Otherwise the bomb I inserted at birth will go off. Because he hearts his little L. Ron clone-princess! Smooches!