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Sylvester Stallone denies ever using steroids but is all about human growth hormone. He used it to beef himself up to 209 pounds for his new Rambo movie. He goes on the record about HGH in the latest issue of Time, according to Page Six:

“HGH [human growth hormone] is nothing. Anyone who calls it a steroid is grossly misinformed,” Stallone says in the issue out tomorrow. “Testosterone to me is so important for a sense of well-being when you get older. Everyone over 40 years old would be wise to investigate it because it increases the quality of your life. Mark my words. In 10 years, it will be over the counter.”

If you’ll excuse me, I need to build a time machine so I can roid out at CVS in the year 2018. I should be back after lunch to dominate your women. Tell them to dress sexy. Sort of like they’re auditioning for Rock of Love with Bret Michaels but more whoreish. If that’s even possible.

Sylvester Stallone donated memorabilia to the Planet Hollywood in New York City last night. The items include a bow and arrow from Rambo, the fourth installment in the headband-wearing death machine’s franchise. I don’t know about you, but I would exclusively eat at any restaurant where Sly Stallone fired an explosive arrow through my food. Unless he accidentally shot my beer. In which case I’d demand satisfaction. Mainly seeing Rocky shoot my strawberry shortcake out of a bazooka.

Janice Dickinson claims that she not only saw her ex Sylvester Stallone use steroids, but he used them on her. Janice was on FOX New’s Red Eye when she accused Rambo of using drugs. Page Six reports:

“He juiced me,” Dickinson said. “I’d wake up and my arm was as big as Popeye - steroids, testosterone, all that stuff that people say [mimicking Stallone voice], ‘Hey, it’s not that good ’cause you get really big, you know what I mean?’ ”

However, Janice Dickinson has been known to lie in the past about Rocky:

Dickinson and Stallone were briefly engaged in the early 1990s. The brunette found out she was pregnant and told the actor he was the father, but DNA tests proved that producer Michael Birnbaum was the daddy of her baby girl, Savannah. Stallone immediately dumped her.

I doubt Sly Stallone’s walking around injecting his girlfriends with steroids. “Hey, yo, baby, maybe you’re, uh, breasts shouldn’t be so big and, yo, I dunno, maybe you should grow a moustache, know what I mean?” Although, this does explain why Janice Dickinson looks like, well, Janice Dickinson.

The bad trend of turning movies into Broadway Musicals continues as Playbill reports that they are turning Rocky into a Broadway Musical.

A musical Rocky, now in development, will have a libretto by Tony Award winner Meehan (who penned the books to Annie, The Producers and Young Frankenstein) and songs by the Tony Award-winning team of lyricist Lynn Ahrens and composer Stephen Flaherty (Ragtime and the current Lincoln Center attraction, The Glorious Ones), the writer told Playbill.com columnist Harry Haun.

"It was made to be a musical," Meehan said. It's got all the elements."

I don't know about you, but when I saw Rocky I never saw musical. Maybe that is because I don't want to imagine how many different versions of Yo Adrian they can include in the Broadway production. 

So is Sylvester Stallone OK with this?

"Sylvester Stallone won't be in it, but he's given us his blessing," Meehan said. "He and I sat and worked it out together. It's really, on some level, autobiographical. He was an actor nobody cared about. The whole thing is an analogy of his own life."

I wonder if they told him yet that he won't be starring in the show?

BTW I have to make this plea once again, please stop turning movies into Broadway shows.