Tila Tequila is apparently done with Courtenay Semel because she was spotted making out with Justin Long on Halloween. Okay, now I’m really confused. I thought Tila was bi-sexual not full-on lesbian. Page Six reports:

But on Halloween, the “Mac Guy” hooked up with trampy bisexual Tila Tequila in Las Vegas. Spies said the two were spotted at Los Angeles airport and nightclub Noir, where Long “asked her to straddle him while making out. Eww,” our spy sniffed.

Justin Long’s quality of women is taking the steepest decline I’ve ever seen. He’s gone from Drew Barrymore to Kirsten Dunst to Tila “Who the fuck is she blowing kisses to?” Tequila. Jesus. If Justin keeps this up, he’ll be be banging Amy Winehouse by Christmas. (Or, in the case of death, Andy Dick.)

Here’s the last round of celebrity Halloween pics before I go insane and start hitting myself in the nuts with a Jack-O-Lantern. Dig in:

1. Carmen Electra as “Sexy Theater Candy Girl.” I’m diabetic, you heartless bitch! Just kidding. Got any Jujubes?
2. Tila Tequila as “Asian Leprechaun Stripper Girl Who Really Wants You to Believe She’s Bi-Sexual.” Wait…
3. Aubrey O’Day as “The Little Mermaid after Her Freshman Year at College.” But, mom, the boys at the frat house said it was light beer.
4. And, finally, Kirsten Dunst as “A Super Stoned Version of Herself in Five Years.” Looking forward to the next Spider-man movie where Mary Jane (!) sits around watching Family Guy reruns all day. Web-tastic!

Tila Tequila hosted the grand opening of Tacos & Tequila in Vegas where she grabbed a bunch of boobs because she’s totally bi-sexual, you guys. I almost missed these pics, and who can blame me, when the person with the most “star power” in them is Carrot Top. I mean, shit, Criss Angel was even there making it painfully obvious the owners want to run this thing into the ground and use it as a tax write-off. Unless they sat around thinking “How can we really douche this place up? I’m talking people walk in here, and the first thing they say is ‘Hey, do you smell vinegar?’”

Tila Tequila’s new girlfriend Courtenay Semel found herself in the drunk tank after getting in a fight with security outside a Vegas nightclub. Beforehand, she was having dinner with Kourtney Kardashian who was taping an episode of her reality show Keeping up with the Kardashians. So, for the five people who watch the show, you’re in for a night of drunklarity featuring Z-List celebrities. Huzzah! Page Six reports:

Later, Kardashian called it a night and Semel went out to Pure at Caesars with Vegas showman Jeff Beacher - and proceeded to “go nuts,” a spy said. “Courtenay got so drunk she was falling down. Security asked her to leave, but she refused.” Semel finally left, but on her way out there was an altercation with a security guard. “She was arrested and spent the night in jail,” a Semel pal confirmed. “And she lost her phone.”

Some people might be wondering, where was Tila? Oh, she was there alright, but, uh, how do I put this? You see, kids, Tila Tequila is very tiny which allows her to fit “places” that only Mommies and Daddies who love each other should go….

Tila Tequila allegedly has a new girlfriend. You might recognize her as Courtenay Semel who was once romantically linked to Lindsay Lohan. Fire crotch eating aside, she’s a goddamn hero: Tila will not be returning for a third season of MTV’s A Shot at Love thus sealing her fate in leprechaun obscurity. *sniff* It feels like Christmas. People reports:

A beaming Tequila told PEOPLE she “didn’t want to jinx anything” about their relationship, but said she was very happy.

Semel, however, happily shared her feelings for the MTV reality star. “I’d seen the show [A Shot at Love] and just needed to meet her…and it just happened,” Semel says of Tequila. Now the “best friends” are content to lay in bed watching movies, share clothes and makeup and steer clear of drama.

You know how I know this relationship is bullshit? Courtenay says they share each other clothes. Yeah, right. There’s only person in the world capable of swapping clothes with Tila Tequila. Unfortunately, I’m sworn to secrecy, but I’ll give you a hint: It’s Tom Cruise.

One of the more humorous elements of my job (besides Spencer Pratt’s face) is when reality shows are reported as if the shit happening on them is real. In this case, Kristy Morgan (above) who “won” this season’s A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila but turned down Tila on the finale. People caught up with Kristy to find out why she chose not to date a fake bisexual. It’s called a script, folks:

“I really went with what my heart said,” Morgan said. “Sometimes you date people, and then it’s not always the happy ending.”
Morgan, who is bisexual, said she was “emotionally unstable” living away from friends and family and in a house full of lesbians and straight men. “It helped me learn what type of woman I want to be, [but] I started to emotionally break down,” she said.

Meanwhile, Tila Tequila is feigning rage on her website and unleashed some angry leprechaun poetry while telling MTV where to dump the pile of cash for a third season:

Thunderfuck my mouth is shut. Been a while, feel like a cunt.
Can’t wait for this drama to pass.
Oh the joy…..fuck you. My ass.
Live a lie.
Tell my mind.
Over soon. I can’t deny.
You will all soon see, the truth in my eyes.
Smile on my face, the loving embrace….but instead I’ll punch you in the face.
For a long time coming….I let you touch me….now that it’s over bitch….You better start running.
Pent up inside….telling these lies….this has gone too far…..the world will soon die.
Only 1 more day. To feel this way. Tomorrow I smile….brings another day!
Back to myself. Nobody else. Fuck all this bullshit. I’m back to myself. Yes. Thank the fuck God.

Wow. That’s quite a verbose entry for someone who has to hop from key to key.

Ladies, you’re going to have to help me out on this one because I’m freakin’ clueless about this stuff: What the hell is going on with Tila Tequila’s tan? Either she went nuts with the bronzing gun, or someone left the E-Z Bake Oven open again. Which one is it? I know it’s not natural because I’ve read the Keebler Elves’ charter, and it strictly prohibits exposure to “the human’s harsh sun.” It’s called research, kids. The handiest tool in the blogger’s tool belt - not counting meth. Geekologist, fire up another batch! I’m starting to trust the government again.

Tila Tequila sat down for an interview with King Magazine where she addressed the rumors that she’s not really a bisexual:

What about the people who say you’re not really bisexual—that you’re hetero and just pretending for the show? Care to set the record, uh, straight?
They can suck my dick.

Wait, she has a penis now? Why wasn’t I told of this? Get me the White House. In the meantime, here’s what else Tila had to say. She really wants that third season:

If you’re faking bisexuality, then you’d be one of those Girls Gone Wild girls. I’m not one of those fake ones. I have real emotions for people, whether they’re male or female. So whoever said that shows me that they’re really ignorant, and it makes me cringe. It’s like saying, “Hey, you’re not really Vietnamese, you’re just trying to be.” How do you answer that?

“‘Hey, you’re not really Vietnamese, you’re just trying to be.’ How do you answer that?” Um, are you serious? Did Tila Tequila literally equate proving your ethnicity with proving your bisexuality? You see one of them, ethnicity, is a documented fact. While the other, bisexuality, is a clever marketing tool used by an elf in a bikini.

Fun Fact: Tila brought her own fishbowl for this photo shoot to be taken in. She said, “Bisexuals always come prepared!” Then spent five hours crying for someone to believe her. And that, boys and girls, is where butterflies come from!

Tila Tequila packs a whole lot of ego in her Asian Leprechaun body. She’s claiming her MTV show A Shot at Love opened the doors to gay marriage in California, according to Us Magazine:

“It is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement. Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships],” she said. “Then they realized, ‘Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.’ The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal.”

Somewhere, Ellen DeGeneres just bought a fishing net. No one usurps her “Everyone’s Favorite Lesbian” throne. She didn’t tell Rosie to “be herself” on The View for this to happen. Now, where’s her 4-wheeler with the midget harpoon gun…

NOTE: Obviously we’re experiencing some technical issues, guys, so big apologies. But, on a side note, I have learned a valuable lesson: Our server does not, in fact, double as a deli slicer. Now what do I do with all this pastrami?

Tila Tequila’s marketing bra was on overdrive during the MTV Movie Awards this weekend. One of the main criticisms of her show A Shot at Love was that, hey, guess what, Tila’s not really a bisexual. With her second season in progress, she’s working her face off to trick people into believing she’s bisexual. At the Movie Awards Tila offered up her advice to lesbian couple Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, according to Us Magazine:

“I think that the fact that everyone knows about it makes it fine,” she told Usmagazine.com at the MTV Movie Awards in Universal City, CA Sunday.
Her advice for the clandestine couple?
“Just go all out with it!” she said. “If you’re going to do something, do it all out.”

And if that wasn’t enough. Tila then did a leprechaun bounce over to the Extra reporters and professed her love for Christina Ricci:

“I love Christina Ricci,” she reveals to Extra. “She’s really hot and I think she looks kind of odd like me…I fell in love with her when I saw Black Snake Moon. She was naked in that one. I kind of drooled over her naked scenes…”

You know who drools over Christina Ricci? Non-bisexuals. Holy crap, I rest my case. Once again, another decisive battle in the age-old struggle of science versus crazy non-lesbian elf stripper. Onward to victory!

Does anyone remember Tila Tequila? You know, the lovable Asian leprechaun stripper who failed to find love on the first season of her reality show and, oh phooey, now has to take another - wait for it - Shot at Love. Contestants were surprised last season by the twist that Tila was looking for love whether it came with a wang-a-dang or a va-jay-jay (Technical terms.) but now everyone knows was up and it’s going to get freaky, according to NY Daily News:

“Since everyone already knew, I was a lot more guarded and aware of who was there for me and not just trying to be on TV,” said Tequila of the new season. “Their parents also already knew about the premise of the show, so they were a lot crazier, too.
Tequila and the last four remaining contestants in the competition make home visits to the contestants’ parents. “Like, moms were making out, but it was fun!” said Tequila.

Tila just wants to find somebody’s whose “real” this time around. Which is ironic for a chick who pretends to be bi-sexual and had a serious boyfriend during the whole first season. Just sayin’:

“I just want someone who’s chill,” she said. “Not so caught up in this lifestyle. Someone who has their own sense of identity, so they don’t confuse it with mine. When I do my job, I want to come home to another world, an escape with someone else, and do something totally different.”

While “moms were making out” is a staple for any good TV show, I think I’ll pass on this season. Or at least try to. I gotta admit, I did watch Rock of Love 2. I’m sort of a sucker for shows where strippers talk about their feelings and it doesn’t cost me $20 or, that one time, the deed to my house. Curse you, Misty Melons! I should’ve known it wasn’t your first day when you said you grew up during the Depression. But, nooo, someone had to make Jager so goddamn delicious. I’ll bet it was Jesus.

Video of Tila on a lingerie-clad rampage after the jump. Because, eh, why not?

Tila Tequila dropped her phone while leaving the Golden Globes Silverspoon gift bag event in West Hollywood yesterday. Fortunately her male assistant was there to pick it up while she squealed in a voice that only dogs and mice can hear. I also love how Tila Tequila’s wears lingerie for a shirt. She’s like a sexy leprechaun you can put in your pocket. Which I would then send her through the wash. I have no idea where she’s been. At her height, it could be a plethora of tiny, gross places. Like Frankie Muniz’s house.

Everyone’s favorite bi-sexual (but not really) midget stripper Tila Tequila is returning for a second season. Tila and MTV announced she’ll pretend to like chicks again for the ratings juggernaut A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. She claims on her MySpace page that season one winner Bobby Banhart broke up with her and couldn’t handle her schedule. But Bobby says they never even dated, according to the Associated Press:

However, Banhart said in a Dec. 30 message posted on MySpace that “she never called me after the last show and no one would give me her number.”

Poor Bobby never really had a “shot” to begin with as casting for the second season had already started in November before the finale even aired:

“This time I wanna find love for real,” Tequila said during “Tila Tequila’s New Year’s Eve Masquerade 2008.”.

I’d prefer if A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila was literally a shot at Tila Tequila with a bullet. Fired from a gun – by me. Though I bet she’d be hard to hit because of her little people powers. She’d keep escaping into a “poof” of rainbows and stripper poles.

Here’s an exclusive video of Tila Tequila all strippered-out while fighting another stripper. She’s like a midget in lingerie that knocks over your makeup, which is freaky in and of itself. I don’t know what lie was told to inspire this sexy leprechaun to fly off the handle, but I’m intrigued by the plot. I give it two thumbs up. Mostly for the stripper-matography.