New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady suffered a season-ending injury Sunday playing against the Kansas City Chiefs, the AP reports:

The 2007 NFL Most Valuable Player will miss the entire ‘08 season with a left knee injury that needs surgery, the team said Monday. That leaves the Patriots without one of the game’s great quarterbacks and severely damages their hopes of a return trip to the Super Bowl.
Coach Bill Belichick would not say what the injury is, but the play, Brady’s reaction and the prognosis all point toward a torn anterior cruciate ligament.

Yeah, what that guy said: torn crouton licorice. Anyway, I have absolutely no sympathy for Tom Brady. You don’t get to make millions of dollars banging Gisele Bundchen and have me feeling sorry for you. What I will do, however, is sub in for you whenever that knee’s acting up. I’m serious; put me in the game, coach. I’ll run the clock, pump fake, Blue 22 and whatever other football euphemisms you can come up with for premature ejaculation. Ready…. BREAK!

Hey, remember Bridget Moynahan? She was knocked up by Patriot’s quarterback Tom Brady right before he ditched her for Gisele Bundchen. I think she’s an actress too or something. Who knows? What I do know is the touching anecdote she told Harper’s Bazaar about returning home from the hospital with newborn son Jack:

“Everyone says, ‘You give birth, you go home, and you have this amazing baby and it’s just beautiful,’” says the 37-year-old Massachusetts-raised model turned actress. “And I walked in and I just started sobbing.”

Adorable! Okay, I didn’t read it, but I’m sure it was heartwarming. It had a baby in it! Bridget is moving on with her life and has embraced her single mom lifestyle thanks to help from friends like Will Smith. Is she still bitter about Tom Brady curbing her? Not at all. But she is running late for Jack’s dance class at the Sparkle Princess Football is Stupid Studio for Twinkle-kids. Or is it Pottery for Tots night? Ha ha. Kids.

New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen probably had an awkward time last night. The two were celebrating the Patriots win over San Diego and hit up Butter in New York City. However, Gisele’s ex Leonardo DiCaprio also happened to be there. I hate running into my ex. Like in my living room. Or in the bathroom. That’s what I get for dating my Batman slippers. I thought we had a connection, but then the peyote wore off. You know how it goes.

NOTE: That’s seriously Leonardo DiCaprio in the last pic doing what I assume is his impression of a giant penis with arms. The man is our generation’s Brando.