Keanu Reeves won a lawsuit today when a jury of his peers determined he is not liable for the injuries of papparazzo Alison Shiva. Alison claims Keanu struck him with his Porsche in 2007 which damaged his wrist and caused him to lose work. Unfortunately, Alison is too stupid to realize he works around people with cameras all day who snapped pics of him chasing Britney Spears shortly after the alleged incident. The AP reports:

Over the course of four days, jurors heard how Silva gave contradictory statements about what happened and even saw a video of the celeb shooter using his supposedly damaged hand to scale down a chain link fence after getting video of Britney Spears.
Reeves stayed for the whole trial, testifying and signing the occasional autograph in the hallway.

How in the hell do you lose a lawsuit where Keanu Reeves gives testimony? That’s got to be scientifically impossible. All this Alison guy had to do was point at the actor and say “Keanu Reeves was driving a vehicle,” and the jury would yell “Guilty, guilty!” before jumping out the window in terror. In fact, I’m pretty sure I just soiled myself thinking about it. Nope, wait; false alarm. Pudding cup in my back pocket again. What? I love butterscotch.

Shocker—Keanu Reeves is not the best of drivers, and now he’s being sued for it. I know, I know; it sounds impossible, but as E! Online reports:

A vengeful paparazzo has put The Devil’s Advocate star on the hot seat.

Keanu Reeves took the stand at his civil trial today and denied dinging a photographer with his car as he was trying to evade flashbulbs back in March 2007, allegedly leaving the photog with debilitating injuries.

Using his hands to illustrate the scene, the 44-year-old star testified that he inched his black 1996 Porsche 911 Cabrio forward slowly to prod the paparazzo in question, Alison Silva, to put down his camera and move away from the vehicle.

“Did you hit him?” Reeves was asked by his attorney, Alfred W. Gerisch.

“No,” the actor replied.

Reeves asserted his Porsche never touched Silva, insisting the camera man walked backwards, lost balance and tripped over his own feet.

“Are you sure of that?”

“Yes,” said Reeves, adding that the only contact between his car and the shutterbug was when Silva put his hand on the hood.

Silva sued the Speed star for unspecified damages stemming from “serious injuries” suffered to his left wrist, causing pain and suffering and severely limited his earnings capacity.

In his suit, Silva alleged Reeves was covering his face when he was behind the wheel and acted negligently when he pulled away from the curb.

I’m still not sure how dinging a paparazzo is grounds for a lawsuit instead of cause for a Congressional Medal of Honor, but then there’s a lot about the law I don’t understand. (For instance, driving without pants—when the hell did that become a misdemeanor?) But this should be an entertaining trial, if only for the testimony:

LAWYER: “Could you please state your name for the record?”

KEANU: ” … “

LAWYER: “Let the record show that defendant pointed to an image of himself on a tattered, yellowed newspaper ad for Little Buddha. Now, Mr. Reeves, can you tell the court what happened on the day in question?”

KEANU: “Can I have a Claritin?”

LAWYER: “Uh…???”

JUDGE: “I believe the defendant is asking for a clarification, counsel.”

LAWYER: “Very well, then. Can you tell me what happened on the day that the complainant alleges that you hit him with your car?”

KEANU: “Oh. Ummm….blueberries?”

LAWYER: (Rubs temples.) “Your honor, I would like to request a recess until defendant is able to properly answer the question.”

KEANU: “Whoa….”

Filed under: Wireless

Back in June, we heard that Sprint would be going live with its XOHM WiMAX service in Baltimore, um, this month. As of today, it’s pretty clear that the service won’t be rolled out fully before October dawns, but at least some progress is being made. Based on a survey sent out to select (read: lucky) Baltimore-area residents, it seems that Intel and Sprint are willing to give away free laptops in order to trial the XOHM service in the city. Unfortunately, the lappies won’t even be given out until late October, and the trial itself is set to last 30 days, so frankly, we’ll be lucky to see XOHM hit the general populace before Santa takes to the friendly skies. Though, why are we not surprised?

[Thanks, Anonymous]

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Filed under: Cellphones, Wireless

Controlled LTE trials have been going pretty well of late, but the first test “under everyday conditions” has just gone down in Germany. We’re pleased to say that everything went off without a hitch, as a connection using the next-generation (4G) mobile communications standard was maintained while inside a moving car traveling at around 42mph. Aside from the thrill of not dropping in and out of Pidgin at random, experimenters were able to pull downloads of up to 170Mbps and upload at up to 50Mbps. According to Hamid Akhavan, head of T-Mobile, it will still be 2010 (at the very earliest) before any of its markets go live with LTE, but at least we’re moving in the right direction, eh?

[Image courtesy of ChrisHarrison]

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Mitsubishi’s i MiEV electric car has spent some serious time on the streets of Japan, but before long, the fuel-shunning vehicle will be roughin’ it here in the US of A. The auto maker is teaming up with Southern California Edison and PG&E in order to see how it fares in LA traffic and how to best integrate it with the power grid. As of now, the whips should be cruising down the carpool lanes in Q4, though a few modifications may be needed in order to comply with US laws. Plans are to test the i MiEV for three solid years, and hopefully the $30,000 ride will be made available for purchase shortly thereafter (or earlier, if we’re fortunate). What now, MINI?

[Via Wired]

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Filed under: Transportation

Though we’re hesitant to believe something this fantastic could actually be implemented in real life, word on the pavement has it that Audi is currently running a pilot program that informs motorists “how fast to drive to catch a green light.” Over in Ingolstadt, Germany, 50 traffic lights have been equipped with sensors that beam information to specially equipped whips; the network of “smart” signals not only “adapts to traffic patterns to deliver optimum light switching,” but gives drivers a heads-up in order to get ‘em through lights and cut down on idling / pollution / road rage. We can just hear those red light camera appeals now: “But judge, my car told me to do it!”

[Image courtesy of NOLA]

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Filed under: Cellphones, Wireless

We know you’re not really down with digesting any more catchphrases, but the technology formerly known as Ultra Low Power Bluetooth / Wibree is now being dubbed Bluetooth low energy. Now that we’re clear on nomenclature, you may be thrilled to know that CSR showcased its recently unveiled BlueCore7 dual mode (Bluetooth low energy and Bluetooth v2.1) chip at a Bluetooth SIG Medical Working Group meeting. According to onlookers, the handset was able to transfer data to another nearby mobile using just 3 frequencies rather than 32, resulting in an unquantifiable decrease in power consumption. Sounds like a winner on the surface, but we have this weird that mass adoption of this tech is like, years away.

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Filed under: Cellphones, Wireless

Not even a week after hearing that Air France was forging ahead with an in-flight calling trial, the European Commission has now voiced its approval of using mobiles on planes in European airspace. After six months of deliberating, the decision was finally made to give airlines the choice of offering up services in order for guests to dial loved ones at 3,000-meters or more. The EU telecoms commissioner, Viviane Reding, went on to warn operators to “keep the cost of calls made on planes at a reasonable level,” and of course, not all is clear just yet. For starters, the European Aviation Safety Agency still needs to green-light the whole ordeal by approving any hardware that would be used, and we won’t be seeing any 3G action up high just yet. Still, at least one less hurdle stands in the way of you phoning home from over Europe (and simultaneously making enemies out of all your neighbors trying to get a few decent minutes of shuteye).

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Filed under: Cellphones, Transportation

Not even half a year after Air France enabled passengers on its single OnAir-equipped Airbus A318 to send / receive messages and e-mail, the airline has went live with the second phase of the in-flight experiment. As of this week, guests who find themselves aboard the aforesaid aircraft can make / receive calls on their mobile at 30,000 feet. Reportedly, a dozen simultaneous calls are possible “per picocell network, as well as unlimited text messages and e-mails,” and while pricing details weren’t disclosed, you can rest assured it won’t be a bargain. Nevertheless, the voice aspect of the trial is scheduled to carry on for three months, and we’re assuming the results (read: whether annoyed passengers start assaulting chronic yappers) will determine if it gets rolled out to more of the fleet or quietly buried.

[Via WiFi Net News]

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Filed under: Cellphones, Wireless

We’ve been hearing that China Mobile would have its act together and get TD-SCDMA ready well in advance of the 2008 Beijing Olympics since last November, and with merely months to spare, it seems things just may work out. Reportedly, the carrier is all set to begin commercial trials of the home cooked 3G standard on April 1st, where it will be tested in Shanghai, Tianjin, Shenyang, Guangzhou, Shenzhen, Xiamen, Qinhuangdao and of course, Beijing. Initially, China Mobile Group will provide 20,000 lucky souls with free TD-SCDMA phones and subsidies of 800 yuan per month, while folks outside of that group can also walk into retail outlets and pick up discounted handsets on a whim. Maybe it’s just us, but we’d probably hold off until those guinea pigs gave everyone else a heads-up of the network quality before we went dropping our own change on it.

[Via mocoNews]

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Filed under: Cellphones

We had a sneaking suspicion that the world hadn’t really come to strapping pads around lampposts in order to keep walking texters safe, and sure enough, the whole shebang was more of a stunt and less of a bona fide trial. Reportedly, only a few pads were put in place and photographed for around 36 hours — afterwards, the PR firm responsible for putting them up simply took them back down. It seems as if the scheme was meant to “test out [the idea] and gauge people’s opinions,” according to a 118 118 spokesman, and safe to say it certainly accomplished that.

[Via textually]

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Filed under: Cellphones

According to a recent report, human beings are becoming so incredibly stupid that they require cushioned lamppost bases so that when they run into them they don’t mess up their idiotic faces. Apparently, a study in the UK found that one in ten people actually managed to hurt themselves by walking into a post while peering down at their mobile phone screen. The mishaps — called “walking and texting” injuries — have spurred the charity Living Streets to launch the padded-post-pilot scheme in Brick Lane, London. It seems that if all goes well, there are plans to roll out the idiot-proof system in Birmingam, Manchester, and Stupidton.

[Image courtesy Yahoo! News]

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Filed under: Cellphones

For whatever reason, phone-based contactless payment systems have been incredibly slow on the uptake stateside, while others — those on NTT DoCoMo’s well-received Osaifu-Keitai system, for example — have had no qualms about turning their handsets into wallets. Every so often we catch wind of a trial in the works, though, which gives us hope that we’ll eventually all be able to whip our cellies out of our pockets and clog our arteries in one deft motion. Case in point: Sprint has teamed up with Jack in the Box and San Francisco’s Bay Area Transit Authority to offer fare and food payments with a tap of a phone in a trial that runs from January through May of next year. Strangely, the pictured phone appears to be the somewhat ancient A920 clamshell, so we’re guessing Sprint is modifying the devices for the trial; Boost Mobile customers should be able to get on the action in some capacity as well. If you live in the area, ride BART at least once a week, and are willing to sacrifice that Touch for a trial phone, go sign yourself up — just take it easy with the bacon burgers, k?

[Thanks, Allan]

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Filed under: Cellphones, Portable Video, Wireless

Though it once appeared as if DVB-SH was headed for high times in Europe, DVB-H eventually won out as the nationwide standard, but that certainly doesn’t mean other standards can’t compete within the region. Reportedly, Alcatel-Lucent has agreed to launch the first trial of the technology in Italy with RAI and 3 Italia, and while DVB-SH would likely be more costly to implement due to its position in the spectrum, European telecoms are grasping for options to satisfy the growing desire for mobile TV. If all goes as planned, the trials will take place in Turin over the next few months, but it wasn’t clear when Jane / John Doe would be called in to participate. Also of note, a cellphone provider has yet to be selected, but it sounds like Samsung and Sagem both made it onto the short list.

[Via mocoNews]

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