Hold on to your androgynous zones; the new season of America’s Next Top Model just got a whole lot more penis-ier. Meet Isis (above) a transgender model who “identifies herself as ‘a woman born physically male.’” She/He made the cut to be on Tyra Bank’s completely scripted modeling competition and looks forward to pretending to have to a chance on this season’s cycle, according to Us Weekly:

Will she be a role model?
“I like to help people, but I’m here to follow my dreams,” she tells Us.
The inclusion of Isis is being hailed by GLAAD president Neil Giuliano as “an unprecedented opportunity for a community that is underrepresented on television.
“We applaud Tyra Banks and The CW for making this historic visibility of transgender people possible,” Giuliano said.

So, if she’s a woman born physically male, does that mean she makes herself her own sandwiches? Otherwise, you lost me.

Tyra Banks celebrates her 500th episode of The Tyra Banks Show today. She stopped by The View (video after the jump) to announce that Mayor Bloomberg has officially proclaimed today “The Tyra Banks Show Day.” Sadly, it’s not a national holiday and I should probably stop downing this champagne. But it’s so bubbly! Anyway, while on The View, Tyra weighed in (Was that a fat joke? Hi-yo!) on the Miley Cyrus debacle:

“She is a 15-year-old, and I just wish everybody would leave her alone! It was just a little sexy.”

Wow. Tyra Banks on The View discussing Miley Cyrus. It’s almost like the producers over there want to beat us senseless with excitement. I’m pretty sure I have a black eye. No, wait, that’s when I popped the cork on this champagne. *chugs* I like it when it tickles my nose who wants to go to the strip club and then we’ll nachos with the car drive I’m okay. CAPTAIN KIRK!

When they’re not busy posing for horribly fake photo shoots (I call this one “America: Ain’t We Retarded?”), Heidi and Spencer love to expose their Hills co-star Lauren Conrad as just as fake as they are. This morning, the couple dropped a bomb on Tyra (video after the jump) and confirmed that Lauren did, in fact, make a sex tape. Tyra asked Spencer if he actually watched it and he said he’d rather throw up making it the first time I actually agree with the douchenozzle. I’d rather watch a video of my vacuum cleaner humping my couch. I wonder what that would look like… *hunts for camcorder*

UPDATE: Okay, is it legal to marry a household appliance? Because, guys, I think I’m in love.

Good morning! There’s nothing like waking up to a slap in the face by the fact that our country is barreling towards rampant retardation at friggin’ lightspeed. The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (I’ll assume formed by Mr. Wizard) has announced that reality TV hosts such as Tyra Banks (above) and Ryan Seacrest are now eligible for an Emmy. Whoopee! The AP reports:

The award recognizes that reality TV has become “an integral part of television and our culture,” John Shaffner, chairman and CEO of the TV academy, said in a statement Tuesday announcing the new honor.
Besides Seacrest of “American Idol,” Mandel of “Deal or No Deal” and Banks of “America’s Next Top Model,” other potential nominees identified by the academy include Ty Pennington of “Extreme Makeover Home Edition,” Jeff Foxworthy of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” and Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris of “Dancing With the Stars.”

If Jeff Foxworthy wins for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, then it’s official; the terrorists have won. And I’m talking big time. Sort of like if the Harlem Globetrotters challenged Gary Coleman to a Slam Dunk Contest - but beforehand they tied his shoe laces together.

Good morning! There’s nothing like waking up to a slap in the face by the fact that our country is barreling towards rampant retardation at friggin’ lightspeed. The Academy of Television Arts & Sciences (I’ll assume formed by Mr. Wizard) has announced that reality TV hosts such as Tyra Banks (above) and Ryan Seacrest are now eligible for an Emmy. Whoopee! The AP reports:

The award recognizes that reality TV has become “an integral part of television and our culture,” John Shaffner, chairman and CEO of the TV academy, said in a statement Tuesday announcing the new honor.
Besides Seacrest of “American Idol,” Mandel of “Deal or No Deal” and Banks of “America’s Next Top Model,” other potential nominees identified by the academy include Ty Pennington of “Extreme Makeover Home Edition,” Jeff Foxworthy of “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” and Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris of “Dancing With the Stars.”

If Jeff Foxworthy wins for Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, then it’s official; the terrorists have won. And I’m talking big time. Sort of like if the Harlem Globetrotters challenged Gary Coleman to a Slam Dunk Contest - but beforehand they tied his shoe laces together.

Gary Coleman and his bride took their carnival act onto The Tyra Banks Show yesterday where conveniently comedian Steve Harvey was co-hosting. Tyra quizzed the new Mrs. Coleman about being with Gary, his virginal status and their age difference: she’s 22, he’s 40. You start to get the impression this chick just wants a whole bunch of attention. I’m, of course, talking about Tyra. For those of you who can’t watch the video, around the six minute mark she eats Gary Coleman then flies off-stage wearing a jetpack. True story.

Thanks to Trendy for the clip who knows what you’re talking ’bout, Willis.

Tyra Banks has herself a new stalker so, let’s give her a round of applause. You go, girl! Anyway, her stalker is Georgia native Brady Green who tried to get into The Tyra Banks Show with a duffel bag full of magazines featuring Tyra and demanded to see her. Crazy alarms were activated. The New York Post reports:

Cops were called to the scene, where Banks said she feared for her safety. Green was cleared from the premises. But at 7:22 p.m., Green was back - sitting across the street in a window seat at a McDonald’s, drinking coffee and flipping through one of his magazines, said witness Jesus Nuñez.
Nuñez described the 6-foot-2 Green as “huge, strong with a lot of muscles.”

When Brady Green went before a judge he was allowed to go free:

The next morning, Green appeared in Manhattan Criminal Court and pleaded not guilty to the charges. No bail was requested, despite Green not having provided a New York address. Judge Anthony Ferrara released him on his own recognizance - but issued an order of protection for Banks.

First off, Tyra should start dating Chuck Norris on the ASAP. Second, real stalkers don’t eat at McDonald’s. Pfft. That’s for chumps. Burger King is the place to be. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go eat a Whopper in Jessica Alba’s pool then sniff her patio furniture. It’s good to set goals for yourself. Helps the ol’ self esteem.

The current models seen on Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model are being accused of trashing the $6 million loft where they stayed for 10 weeks. The girls apparently did $500,000 in damages which Tyra’s production company has yet to pay and also skipped out on a $1,500 electric bill. They had promised the landlord any damage would be minor, but the girls and the crew made the place look like Tara Reid’s stomach, according to Page Six:

Instead, we’re told, the crew “punched hundreds of holes in the ceiling to hang lighting equipment” and ruined the Brazilian wood floors, forcing the owner to tear them up and install all new flooring when the women moved out three weeks ago.
According to our source, while the beauties were staying in the 4,200-square-foot loft, they damaged a $15,000 chandelier beyond repair and splashed so much water around, the bathroom was ruined and had to be tested for mold.
“A plumber had to come fix the toilet and the water caused $90,000 worth of damage to the electrical store on the first floor,” said our source.

Here I always thought women were the cleaner sex. Compared to my female co-workers, my cubicle is a disaster area. I have to wade through 4 feet of coffee cups to get to my desk. Hey, wait, there’s a hand. And someone’s calling for help. Jon-Benet Ramsey? You’re alive! How the hell did you survive down there? You would steal McNugget sauces off my desk? My precious sweet n’ sour sauces?! So you’re the reason I had to use ketchup on my fries! *kicks* Get back in the hole!

Okay, I don’t know whether this shit (Hi-yo!) is true, but the buzz is model/diva Tyra Banks crapped her pants during Fashion Week in New York. Here’s the horribly written first-hand account from magazine blogger Fabian Basabe. Then again, if I witnessed a Tyra bowel movement, I’d probably have trouble effectively communicating and maintaining consciousness:

I was asked to film an interview for a new project but being busy reporting the massacre it is during fashion week for paper magazine - by far my favorite assignment - I had to squeeze the interview in between shows and, in order to have it easy for everyone, i arranged to do it backstage at the tents in the w suite. Just when I start getting comfortable and ready, a group of madmen and madwomen storm in and take possession of the suite because… ready?… Tyra Banks messed herself and needed to change. Now, let’s break this down: messing oneself should not happen if you are older that 5 or younger than 90. if it happens and in fact you are older than 5 or younger that 90, then it should be one, single, very unfortunate episode which will bound you to be made fun of forever and you can’t complain about it. Now I would like to bring to your attention that Tyra’s people carried a change of clothes for her at NYC fashion week. Hmmmh… could it be that Tyra messed herself before? or just that her entourage is so organized that in case tyra would ever, maybe, possibly mess herself that one time, they have a change of clothes? I don’t know… but all these thoughts were twirling in my mind when in horror I was watching such an abomination, feeling so alone in the world. Meanwhile, everyone is looking at me, to see if i was going to throw a fit because i now have a production crew and no place to shoot. Excuse me please, the suite is great but i think I’m gonna go, you know…

Could Tyra Banks be a serial pants-pooper? I’ve always sort of suspected but never really had the journalistic integrity to voice such a theory. What’s most surprising is that Janice Dickinson isn’t running naked through the streets proclaiming to the world that Tyra shit herself. I figured she’d be all over this and even take out a billboard in Times Square. I’m sure it would read something classy like, “Hey, Tyra, I’m 90 and I don’t need Depends. Love, Janice. P.S. Lose weight.” Ah, the bonds of sisterhood.

Saleisha Cooper the 19-year-old winner of Tyra Bank’s America’s Next Top Model is apparently already a model. After winning last night’s final episodes, diligent researches discovered that Saleisha has a past working relationship with Tyra, according to E! Online:

However, sharp-eyed fans soon dug up footage showing Saleisha walking the catwalk in an ANTM cycle-six fashion show, as well as appearing on the runway in an episode of The Tyra Banks Show.

But, wait, it doesn’t end there! Saleisha has some other modeling work under her belt that should’ve excluded her from the show:

Viewers also found that Saleisha had appeared in a nationwide Wendy’s commercial that aired in 2006, seemingly in violation of an America’s Next Top Model eligibility rule that states would-be contestants “must not have previous experience as a model in a national campaign within the last five years (including, but not limited to, appearances on television and print advertisements).”

That does seem sort of unfair. It’d be like if I competed on the new American Gladiators. It’s a documented fact that I already professionally gladiate. Just so we’re on the same page, gladiating still involves getting sloshed on egg-nog then wrestling your parent’s dog naked at Christmas dinner, right? Because I’m practically a Jedi Master at that shit.

Tyra Banks is devoting her entire show on Monday to the vagina. Yes, that’s right. The female vagina. It will be an entire hour-long episode about the ins and outs of the mysterious lady part. People reports:

“I have wanted to do this show for two years,” says Banks, 33. “I know for a lot of women talking about what is going on in our bodies is extremely difficult, but it is incredibly important.”
She added, “We should be able to talk to our daughters, sisters, mothers and friends about our bodies and not be embarrassed. I hope after this show women will not be ashamed about what’s up down there.”

Great. So now I know what’s really been on Tyra Banks’ mind all these years. Burdened with this information how am I supposed to enjoy reruns of America’s Next Top Model? I’ll be sitting there wondering if Tyra was really upset when Karidee insulted Nigel or was she just thinking about vaginas? When Janice Dickinson spoke was Tyra actually listening or was she noticing that Janice’s collagen lips look like a huge vagina? And how would she make a segment out of that for her show? Haven’t you heard? It’s about vaginas.

Forbes Magazine just released their Celebrity 100 list with the world’s most powerful celebs. They’ve added up annual salaries, web rank, PR rank and TV rank.

Last year Oprah Winfrey earned $260 million for the year! Prisoner Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears didn’t even make the list.

Here is the full list from Forbes: