Khloe Kardashian checked out The Dark Knight at The Grove Saturday and enjoyed the general bliss that comes from ducking 30 days in jail for DUI. I can tell by the remorseful look on her face, Khloe’s learned a lesson: Kardashians make the law their bitch. Well, I’ll show them. I’m going to get blitzed off my face then drive around their neighborhood. Yeah, this plan is genius. *starts chugging*

UPDATE: Dude, Geekologist, I’m telling you this plan will totally teach these people a lesson. What people? I dunno, somebody. I wrote it down on a napkin. Huh? I didn’t puke on my shirt. You puked on your shirt. At your mom’s house - with Chevy Chase riding a lawnmower. BURN!

UPDATE: Yum yum yummy I’ve got Jager in my tummy, yum yum I’m feeling like nachos.

UPDATE: Stop the press, who is that? This, this tree of a woman. A mighty red oak of breasts and timber thighs. I would totally hit tha- SHIT NUTS! I looked at her face. *shakes head* Hey, I’m absolutely 100% sober. How’d that happen? And why is there a tongue print on my monitor in front of Khloe Kardashian? As God as my witness, I am never drinking again.

UPDATE: Wait, I’m an atheist. To the Beer Cave! *crawls under desk*