Gary Coleman secretly wed a woman 18 years younger than him. The 40-year-old cowboy(?) married 22-year-old Shannon Price of Utah. Gary finally lost his virginity and claims to have found the woman with the right amount of looks and intelligence. Now he has someone to throw things at. Awww. Page Six reports:

Price said height wasn’t a consideration because, “He was 10 feet tall to me because he was sweet.” Still, the relationship isn’t without its problems. “He lets his anger conquer him sometimes,” Price admitted. “He throws things around, and sometimes he throws it in my direction.”

I don’t see what the big problem is. Gary Coleman likes to throw shit. Sheesh, wear kneepads. Or do that move where you put your hand on his head and he frantically bats at the air. That’s the cornerstone to a good marriage. Or midget wrangling. Same thing. Now where’s my little Oompa Loompa bride? Hey, get out of the cookie jar! You know I hate footprints on my Chips Ahoy, woman.