Sweet Christ, the mummy’s escaped! Don’t look into its eyes. Or giant breasts! They’re cursed too. Oh, hey, it’s just Pam Anderson. What’s that, her breasts are cursed too? I believe it. Look at all the dudes who have touched them: Scott Baio, Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels. All have at one time had shitty reality shows on VH1. That’s where once-cool people go to die. Or in Bret’s case, go to pretend they’re not bald and bang strippers. Hold on a second, no one told me Bret Michaels was the smartest man alive.