Choo! Choo! Here comes the bullshit train! Apparently Jamie Lynn Spear’s parents think highly of her 19-year-old boyfriend Casey Aldridge. Even in light of all the knocking up that somehow hasn’t landed him in jail. Jamie Lynn’s family considers Casey a stand-up guy and simply adore him and his wholesome background, according to People:

“He took amazing care of Jamie Lynn,” a source close to the family tells PEOPLE. “Anything ever went wrong, he always comforted her. He took care of her.”

Except here’s the problem: Something did go wrong. It’s called a baby and it now rests inside the uterus of a 16-year-old girl. Where did it come from? Perhaps, maybe from Mr. Stand-up Guy’s penis. But it’s cool. He’ll comfort Jamie by letting her wear his varsity jacket. Aw, everything’s better. I dunno, I’m sort of bitter. Anytime I knock up a girl I’m never adored by her parents with kind words. I’m mostly adored with fists or, one time, a shotgun– shaped like a fist.