PETA has taken umbrage with Jessica Simpson’s T-shirt proclaiming “Real Girls Love Meat.” They decided to take the moral high ground and respond with a list of five reasons “Why only stupid girls brag about eating meat.” Sciencey! Here’s my personal favorite gem:

4. Meat will make you fat. All the saturated fat and cholesterol in chicken wings, pork chops, and steak eventually leads to flabby thighs and love handles. I hope the upcoming “Jessica Simpson’s Intimates” line comes in plus sizes! Going vegetarian is the best way to get slim and stay that way.

Jesus! “Eating meat will make you fat.” How superficial (Ha ha! The name of this site.). But, seriously, PETA left out a few other pitfalls of being a carnivore that warrant your attention. What can I say? I’m a helper:

1. Meat will cause the Lifetime channel to go off the air. Or, at the very least, cancel Army Wives.

2. Feeding your husband meat will lead him straight into the arms of another woman. Who’s totally that chick at your work who you’d be friends with if only she didn’t have the same purse. Bitch.

3. AIDS: It’s what for dinner - if you eat meat.