Eva Longoria isn’t pregnant - just fat (Her words, not mine.)

Eva Longoria wants to set the record straight: she’s not pregnant - maybe. I mean, who really knows these days? Us Magazine reports:

“I’m just fat,” she said Tuesday during an interview with Le Grand Journal with husband Tony Parker. She then burst out laughing while Parker chuckled nervously.
To make Gabrielle look like she has two kids, Longoria has said she ate “everything in sight! Pasta … pizza.”
Her other secret for looking heavier? “I have butt pads, I have thigh pads, I have stomach pads!”

Let’s get to the bottom of this chicanery: First, Eva Longoria is holding M&M’s. Everyone knows fat chicks love chocolate. Then again, so do pregnant ones. Damn. Okay, moving on; there’s the saying one thing but secretly meaning the opposite - which applies to women the world over. Sonofa- Alright, I got it. The true litmus test of whether Eva Longoria is pregnant or “just fat”: If she tricks me into having sex with her while I’m drunk - you know what? I give up. I hope it’s quadruplets.