Miley Cyrus put on ice (No, Hannah Montana isn’t doing an ice show. Spaz.)

The rumors about Disney keeping Miley Cyrus out of the spotlight are apparently true. Damage control is in full effect after her “pedophile’s dream come true” photo shoot (actual quote from Christian Coalition. Okay, not really.) Miley was scheduled to appear at Walt Disney World but mysteriously backed out at the last minute, according to Us Magazine:

The 15-year-old — who shocked fans by posing semi-topless for the magazine — has pulled out of a weekend media party to promote the “Disney Channel Games,” Walt Disney World spokesman Gary Buchanan said Thursday. She was set to attend the bash, along with other Disney Channel stars.

My sources tell me Miley is locked in an underground bunker with Natty Gann, Pollyanna and the sister from Escape from Witch Mountain. If nobody knows who the hell those three are, I now feel super old and will spend the rest of the day sobbing into my donut. *bites* Hey, my tears taste like chocolate. Then the prophecy is true: Willy Wonka is my real dad! Mom, how could you?! I mean, without smuggling me home an Oompa Loompa in your purse. You never loved me!