Dr. Drew Pinsky of VH1’s Celebrity Rehab made the following remarks about Tom Cruise and his passion for Scientology in the latest issue of Playboy. Dr. Drew finds it particularly interesting that the religion/cult rejects psychology:

“A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.”

Tom Cruise’s lawyer Bert Fields fired back in Page Six today and basically compared Dr. Drew’s methods to those of the Nazi’s. Wait, I thought Nazi’s hated Jews not Scientologists. Damn you, American education system!:

“This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

If I were Tom Cruise’s lawyer, I would’ve tried a different tact:

“Well, duh, Dr. Drew. Jesus, of course, Tom Cruise is crazy. Real keen analysis there. I anxiously await your thesis: ‘The sky is blue.’ Hold on, Tom Cruise is telling me the sky is actually the color of Thetan tears because they’re caged in a stratsopheric mind warp that makes us all sad. Wow, seriously, Tom? Here’s a cookie. Say, I think I saw a Thetan trapped in the fax machine. Go get ‘em!”

Damn, I should just skip the whole bar association thing and start taking clients. Who wants to be first to get law-gified?

UPDATE: Dr. Drew’s rep issued the following bullshit apology: “Although Mr. Fields’s intent is clearly to slander and discredit Dr. Drew, under no circumstances is Dr. Drew making a blanket diagnosis about Scientology nor Mr. Cruise whom he does not know. Dr. Drew was simply using Mr. Cruise as an example of someone who is recognizable to help the public understand. Again, Dr. Drew meant him no harm.”